Love Yourself?

helpsomeone

 

There’s this really old idea that ‘Nobody can love you, if you don’t love yourself”.

People who promote this idea are often doing it out of good intention. I have even found myself giving this advice in the past.  But loving yourself is difficult and at times  feels almost impossible for some people.

Let’s look at it a little differently.. If you were never taught how to love, how would you know?

Some of us have grown up in less fortunate environments which have instilled deep seeded issues around love, trust, self-worth and acceptance.  In all races, cultures and class of family, there can be a lack of emotional intelligence, communication and love.  If your parents weren’t affectionate towards each other or you, then how do you learn to be affectionate toward others?  If your family doesn’t value you as a person, how do you learn to value yourself and others?

The answer is from other people.  Those people who have seen the ‘broken you’ and can accept and love you regardless.  Those people that take the time to listen to your negative train of thoughts and put in the effort to derail those ideas.  Unconditional love and acceptance heals the deepest issues over time.

Sometimes I look at you and think, ‘why can’t you see how amazing you are?’

It is difficult to love someone that doesn’t love (or even like) themselves.  You are always fighting the demon that attacks their self worth.  There is always a reason why they shouldn’t feel good about themselves or why they don’t deserve something.  The emotional road blocks are high and at times, the person gets angry at you for not agreeing with them.  These people are always collecting evidence as to why they are not good enough.  They are almost comfortable in a state of self-loathing, but then they hate that they are this way at the same time. Depression is a demon that can take over your entire life and dim it into darkness.

To be helpful we must understand and accept that, just because you tell someone to feel better, it doesn’t mean that they will (whether they want to or not).  And just because you tell someone to ‘get over it’, doesn’t mean that they can.  All you can really do is be patient and try to de-bunk all the emotional negative ideas with positive  and logical ones.

If you are the person dealing with self-worth and self-love issues, forget about the idea that no one can love you if you can’t love yourself.  There are people who love you for the person that you are.  There are people that see the good in you where you can only see the bad.  There are people who actually want to be around you.  And there are people that see your value to them and the world.  Surround yourself with those people and Accept it.  You don’t need to love yourself just yet, but ACCEPT yourself, no matter how broken or how much of a mess you think you are.

‘This is me. I’m broken, I have issues. I accept that this is who I am’

It is through acceptance of ourselves that we learn to accept other’s love and positive energy.  Accepting that you are broken opens the door for others to help pick up the pieces.  And if you cannot focus on the good in yourself. focus on the good in other people.  Law of attraction says focusing on the good will attract the good.  And in time, you will learn to love yourself, bit by bit.

Please feel free to comment if you can relate. I would love to hear your thoughts.

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RoxySIGNoff

2 thoughts on “Love Yourself?

  1. This totally resonates with me, at every word. I’m 42 and my mum died when I was 40. It was the catalyst that opened up the search to understand why I am the way I am (exactly what this column states) and why I’ve made the life choices that have gotten me to where I am today – severe depression (functioning yet medicated) whilst exploring the effects of CEN (Childhood Emotional Neglect). I don’t know how to love myself and I don’t know if I’ve truly ever been in love, and I put this down to the fact that my parents never modelled or showed love and affection to each other or to me. I know that I can’t do what I’ve not been taught. This is my predicament and it’s early in this journey that I have to undertake.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your comment Nicole. So many of our hang ups come from upbringing and our parents (even if it was unintentional). It’s really easy just to blanket rule people’s issues but you will never truly understand how someone entirely feels. Understanding and acceptance is all we can offer to our friends struggling with depression and emotional blocks. As a mum, I’m trying re-write any (unintentional) negativity was handed down to me so that my children don’t suffer the same issues. And as a partner and friend, I fight the negative with the positive. I wish you well in your journey to happiness. Feel free to drop in for a chat anytime 🙂

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