But what will they say…

When I stopped worrying about what other people would think about me, my opportunities quadrupled and my income tripled.

It’s so amazing how we so willingly accept other people’s opinion and judgement as our truths.

Nobody knows you more than YOU.
Nobody gets to decide your intention when doing something but YOU.
Nobody lives through your story and decisions more than YOU.

But it’s easy to surrender responsibility to others.

I get it. That was me. Always asking advice from my friends (even on the smallest things), Always hesitating do put myself out there because: What would people think? What would people say? How will this decision be perceived?

Always needing someone to validate my actions. TO VALIDATE ME.

What I didn’t realise for a long time is that I allowed others to control and design MY LIFE because of this. People form opinions based on their personal experiences and HISTORY. And everyone’s story and experiences are unique even though some may seem the same.

Which means that yes, you can learn from other people’s mistakes, but the outcome that someone gets from doing something might not be the same as the outcome that you might get from doing the EXACT same thing. There are too many external factors that make up peoples experiences, successes, failures and opinions. And sometimes the WIN you might get it is worth the RISK.

So should you listen to what others SAY? yes, but not everyone…
Should it override how you FEEL about something? Nope.

The best way is to TRY and form your OWN opinions. And WIN, or LEARN…

If I had listened to the people around me or cared what they would think:

I would have not moved to Sydney when I finished school.
I would not have auditioned for Australian Idol back in the day.
I would have not created The Starlettes, The Boutique, The Alternative.
I would have not been an Artist (they told me that I should only be a writer)
I would have given up on RNB.
I would have given up on singing and writing my own songs a long time ago to “get a real job”.
I would not have moved to Mauritius.
I would not have moved to Perth.
I would not be running my own business,
I would not be earning income from living my truth and spreading my message today.

My biggest successes have come from making decisions WITHOUT caring about others opinions.

Because nobody knows my truth like I do.
And finding space to listen to my intuition and backing myself wholeheartedly has made the world of difference to my life.

I AM WHO I WANT TO BE ALL THE TIME NOW.
And with that CERTAINTY and CONFIDENCE comes OPPORTUNITY and SUCCESS.

And I’m here to EMPOWER others to do the same… However it looks like for them.

Let me know if you are READY 👇

I’m done with hiding

HERE’S THE THING. I’M DONE WITH HIDING.

People still say to me – “It wouldn’t kill you to put a little makeup on or brush your hair before you do your videos, Roxy.”

And you know what — it might. It might kill that beautiful idea that my peeps all currently have of me that I’m super proud of: I am authentically, and unapolegitically me. 👊

And when I dont want to dress up for you, I wont.
Because I dont need to hide behind smoke and mirrors to share my message.

And if you are going to reject what I have to say about life, because I didn’t pluck my eyebrows or put on some lipstick then “bye felicia…” my message isn’t for you.👋

I share when I feel like I have something to say and when I have value to give back to my community. And sometimes there’s no time to worry about what it looks like and what people will say about me.

I don’t need to do myself up to feel beautiful and confident. I made that happen from the inside.
I got over myself. Because what I do and how I serve others is ultimately NOT ABOUT ME.

In my life I have learnt from all different kinds of people, from all walks of life, of various cultures and backgrounds, of every age group. I have learnt to listen past the bullshit aesthetic stuff. You know that saying ‘Dont judge a book by its cover….’ Yeh that shit…💯

Because if you limit yourself to only listening to people who look/sound right. Then you are putting a massive cap on your learning.

Everyone has a lesson to teach if you are willing to listen hard enough… And sometimes the best lessons are taught in the most unorthodox ways, by the most unexpected people. ✨

Express Yourself

Roxy Live

Thank god for creative expression.

These few weeks have been challenging on my heart and I’m so thankful that I know how to channel the negative energy, anger and frustration into my music, using those emotions to sing the shit out of songs on stage.  And after I release this storm of emotions, I’m calm and clear headed again.  It wasn’t an easy transformation to being an emotive performer, but now that I’m here, theres no turning back, not even half way.  Singing through my anxiety, pain, anger, joy and happiness is a tool that now I simply could not live without.

I think about people who don’t have an outlet to express.  What must that be like?  Like a soda bottle of emotions fizzing up and ready to explode but the lid screwed on tight.  It just can’t be healthy for us to hold in our emotions like that.  It would manifest poison into the body which would bleed into every aspect of our live.

So if you haven’t found your outlet yet, start looking today.  Music, art, crafts, writing, exercising, meditating, dancing, whatever it is, you NEED something.  Negative energy is not worth holding on to.  And people who serve that up to you need to be let go.  Distance yourself from the poison and you will live a happier life.

Unfortunately sometimes in order to do that we have to distance ourselves from people we love.  And that is one of the hardest things in life.

I’m so grateful for the ability to express.

If you don’t know how to, seek help..

Roxy Xx

 

Draw the lines thick

People only treat you the way you allow them to.

We’ve all had a time when we’ve invested our energy into the wrong person or situation or have come to realize someone close was not who they appeared to be.  The eye opening moment when someone shows their real colours can be a disappointing, hurtful and enraging one.  And when it happens to us and we are scarred, it’s easy to put up a wall and withdraw away from others in hopes to avoid reoccurring disappointment.  But shutting out people isnt the right answer.  Rather, we must draw clearer lines in the sand in relation to how we want to be treated and what our expectation of others are.

Some people are just shit.

Seeing the good in everyone and giving the benefit of the doubt often leaves me open to being used.  And sometimes it doesn’t matter how well you treat someone or how much you try to help them, or do good in the world, people will still hate on you, talk shit or see something you are doing wrong.  Shit people, who only think about themselves and project all of their negative crap onto you.

I’ve learnt that people often accuse you of the very thing that they are capable of doing.  Those who accuse of stealing have stolen before.  Those who accuse of cheating have cheated before and so on.  So when it happens, I don’t tolerate it anymore.  Part of being grown is dictating to the world your expectation and deciding who gets to be a part of that world.

Good people deserve good people. 

If you live your life trying to be the best version of yourself and to help those around you then you deserve the same in return. Period. Unfortunately, sometimes in this world, nice guys (and ladies) finish last.  And it seems that the bullshit artists, haters, vultures and cheaters land on top.  In my opinion, it is partially the fault of the ‘nice’.  Often the ‘nice’ are enablers.  Often the nice are submissive.  Often the nice are apathetic.

More and more with the breaking down of the worlds social skills and conscience, ironically at the fault advancement of technology & ‘social’ media, there is a lot of grey around what behavior is deemed appropriate.  So we must start setting clearer boundaries and not assume that ‘people should know where that line is’.  If you draw an invisible line you can be sure some will cross it, even unintentionally.  So when someone does something that doesn’t sit right with you, tell them.

It’s all in the delivery.

When someone crosses that line, you don’t always have to fly off the handle and get all up their face aggressively.  A lot of the time these people don’t realize that they have crossed into the ‘red zone’.  Always approach gently but firm, until you have a good read on the situation.  If you can see that this person is deliberately acting inappropriately or is purposely using your calm, non-confrontational nature to get away with doing wrong by you then its time to push a bit harder (or go to war depending on the situation lol).  Sometimes when you explain things precisely, logically, nicely to someone, they genuinely understand and care enough to stop doing the wrong thing.  Then again, some people need a punch to the head (or the equivalent in words) to get it – to get back to their side of the line.

In plain english

I guess what I’m trying to say is:   If I’m trying to help you and you go around talking shit about me behind my back, and telling everyone that I’m dodgy,  don’t expect me not to say anything to you next time I see you.  Don’t expect me to keep helping you, and don’t expect me to act like we all good.  Because if I allow it to happen once, then what goes to say you wont continue to do those things in the future? And if you can’t see the good in me, then you probably don’t have much good in you, so not having you around is not going to be much of a loss.  Also time does not heal wounds, conversations and resolutions do

Stay real Xx

 

 

 

Attitude

Attitudes

Thought of the day:

Nobody wants to be around, work and play with someone who has a bad attitude. Attitude and is often regarded higher than skill because it is far easier to teach someone a new skill than adjust their attitude.

Good Attitude and good energy will open so many doors and will generally rub off on the people around you (or scare off those who don’t have one) #winwin

Take time to be present

We forget sometimes how important it is to upkeep our friendships and relationships with others.  Life can be overwhelmingly busy and we can often get too wrapped up in work, earning money, problem solving and passion projects.  It can be easy to forget friends and loved ones who are ‘low maintenance’ and ‘understanding of our busy schedules’.  But it shouldn’t be the norm.

Never having time for your friends and family is a no go.  Having extended periods of time without up-keep on these relationships makes for your being a very lonely person in the end.  And it doesn’t matter how ‘cool with it’ you think your friend or partner is.

At some point you are showing them where you have placed them in your life, on a ladder of priority.  If your family sits down the ladder at 100th or even  50th place on that priority scale, way behind work, stress, bills, mortgage, networking associates and leads, then how can you argue that you work so hard to provide for them and make them happy?

Happiness is not measured by the amount in your bank account or the amount of possessions and assets you own.  You can still be happy when you have nothing.  But when you have no-one, ‘Happy’ gets significantly more difficult.

Mostly, what your real family and friends desire to have is your attention, your company and your presence, both physical and emotional.  Sometimes we must stop thinking about ourselves being ATMs and Workhorses enough to understand the more important things in life.

It doesn’t take much time to send a text, email, message, to make a phone call even.  You may think that you have zero time. But you always have time because simply put, what could possibly be more important?  What is your life without them?  If you are really struggling to keep up with relationship maintenance schedule it. Schedule it like you do your lunch, or a meeting.  Put it in the calendar : 6-7pm cuddles with kids, 3-4pm returning social messages, 130-2pm phone call to mum 8-10pm No screen time (turn off phones, Ipads etc and spend time with the people around you).  Treat it like any other work task of the day, because it is just as important.

Balancing career, family, friends and personal development isn’t an easy thing to do.  But it’s not impossible if you believe in the importance of it.  Remember that if you dedicate all your time to success & riches, you might end up there…alone.  Just a little effort here and there will definitely go along way with you loved ones, and ensure they still feel loved 🙂

 

 

 

My Art Not Yours

 

Everyone who deals with creatives should read this.

Let me just put this out there:  Like many creatives in this world, I have a problem with authority.  I simply don’t like being told what to do, it makes me feel oppressed.  But evermore annoying are people who try to fuck with my art.  I’m a performer, singer, songwriter and artist and have been for the most part of my life and I still have people who have no idea about being a muso/creative trying to tell me how I should live my life, that I should get a real job or that I should change my art.

ITS MINE NOT YOURS. Its Art.  I couldn’t give a fuck about whether you like it or not.  I LIKE IT. That’s why I do it.  The more I evolve as an artist, the more I realise that it cannot be about making money or trying to please everybody.  It doesn’t matter how good you are, there is always going to be somebody that wont like you or understand your vibe.  And the more defined you are, the less people you will appeal to.  And that’s totally OK.

Don’t get me wrong.  I like feedback on projects that I’m working on, and I regularly ask this from my peers, mentors and trusted peeps and sometimes fans, but that is when it is in its building, and creating process.  If I’ve already released my single and done the photos and printed out 100 000 copies and sold a bunch – you’ve kinda missed the boat on helping me arrange the vocals etc… at this point you either like it or you don’t.  I’m fine with that.  And if you start a sentence with “You know you would make more money if you….”  I might punch you in the face (or at least tune you out for the next few phrases).

Of course I would like to make more money from my art.  But not if it means selling out and compromising the very thing that makes me feel good about it.  It is already difficult to have a good balance between business & creative passion, So if you like my stuff and want to help by sharing it with others than awesome. And if it’s not for you, I understand.

This also goes with my live band/s.  If you saw me somewhere with my band and you like what we do.  Don’t book us then ask us to do something completely different.  If you saw my Rnb band and you loved it, don’t book us for your wedding and ask if we can play rock and roll and love shack and heavy metal all night.  The answer is no.  Even if we could, its not what we have chosen to do as an outfit.  A few requests will always be fine but when you are micro-managing our set list, we probably won’t enjoy our night.

Real art and music is personal and takes a lot of courage to share with others.  And we creatives are sensitive as fuck.  So when you give feed back, be gentle and detailed and helpful, not dismissive, authoritative and vague.  And choose your timing wisely.

And yes, I know I should “Get a website, get social media and get more followers’.  Don’t just tell me about it…help me.

To the creatives out there, I’m sure I’ve hit home with this for some of you, I’d love to know what are your other pet peeves when it comes to this stuff?  Feel free to comment below 🙂

 

Thanks for reading 🙂 If you like what my stuff and want to support me, you can do so by clicking here:

support at patreon

Honesty is such a lonely word

When I was younger, straight out of high school, I had many friends.  I had just moved to Sydney and lived in the mid-city madness of a highly social and fast paced world.  The city oozed with life and excitement and I loved every minute of it.  Naturally, as a singer, I found place in amongst the music scene, the live and touring musicians, the creatives and the night clubs, the high fashion and pop culture.

It is easy making friends as a performer.  It’s part of your job.  You learn very quickly how to socialise in every situation and setting, how to dress appropriately, how to behave, and how to ‘schmooze’.  When you’ve had a great gig and your band is killing it, sometimes you step off stage to find that everybody wants to be your friend.  Now I’m using the ‘friend’ word very loosely because I think that being ‘friends’ with someone runs much deeper than a few ‘hi’s’ and ‘how are yous’.

Most of the people in today’s world thrive on popularity.  They feel validated by the amount of likes and follows on their social media pages and need to feel likeable and have a lot of friends to be happy and successful.  And I was this.  The social butterfly, super friendly, always rolling with the in-crowd.  There was years and years of somewhat shallow social interactions and I was satisfied, if not, comfortable with it.

Today I’m a very different person.  Don’t get me wrong, I still know how to hold myself in the social game and I play a good hand, but I also see it for what it is.  One day I stopped pretending to like everybody and everything and I put away my ever-so scripted conversational habits and started to practise Honesty.

Slowly and surely my life began to change and I became a surer and more defined version of myself.  And a whole lot lonelier.  You see I believe that the more friends you have, the less quality they are, generally speaking. It’s that quality over quantity game that I’m playing now and when I’m winning, I have meaningful and honest friendships and relationships with the people around me.

When you have honest relationships you don’t need to keep up an image or idea of yourself.  There is less ego and more vulnerability.  You also don’t need to censor words and actions.  And the best thing is that you allow people the opportunity to get to know the real you and decided whether they accept or not.  You leave the door open for those who aren’t compatible to leave, and those who are to stay and understand.

Nothing worth doing is easy, so I’m not going to tell you that practising honesty is.  It starts with being honest to yourself.  Which can be extremely challenging.  To separate our feelings and set aside pride and ego and let the facade fall away.  Sometimes we don’t like what we find under there; insecurity, contradiction, imperfection and fear.  Some people have lived behind an idea of themselves for so long that they don’t even know who they really are, what they actually like, where they want to be.  It’s a scary stage of self discovery but it is necessary regardless.  And sometimes on this journey, we discover we have made bad choices, and wasted a lot of time.  Imagine working your ass of to climb the ladder of a certain career path, getting to the top and realising ‘oh shit! I actually don’t like this job at all’.  It happens.  More than you think.

These days society almost encourages us to turn off our inner voices and blindly follow the crowd, and be part of whats trending.  It’s great for marketing and business, but not so great for humanity.  Honesty doesn’t necessarily keep you ahead in the game, in fact it is often met with distaste.  Most people don’t want to want to hear the truth.  They may think they do, but when it comes down to it, they only want truth that benefits them.

So when I say what I mean and I mean what I say, it can be confronting, well for those who do not practise honesty that is.  I found that once I committed to always speaking the truth and sharing my real feelings, I lost a lot of so called friends.  Most people don’t want to hear about your horrible day when they ask ‘how are you’ nor do they want to know about your life problems or hear you whine or help you work through issues. Most.  Real friends do. And this is what I mean when I say quality over quantity, having honest relationships requires time.  And not all of us have ample amounts of time left after family and work chews in.  So we must choose our friendships wisely.  And accept the fact that some people aren’t ready to have honest relationships and may want to run in the opposite direction.  What you do gain, after the filtering is a close group of friends who have care, consideration and are actually interested in being apart of your life.

It’s very sad to see the lack of truth represented in today’s world.  With fake news at it’s peak and the distance that social media and technology ironically widens between people, its no wonder some of us feel lonely in the most crowded places.  But we must rise above and stop to listen to our own truths and seek out truth in others and try our best to practise honesty.  Go with that gut feeling, go against the crowd if that is how you feel and be honest about your opinions.  There are people out there that will share similar opinions and that will understand you.  But first you need to give them a chance to get to know who you really are.

Everyday I wake up and choose to live my truth and it has been a difficult and continues to be a challenging task.  Being a parent and setting a good example for my children has being one major reason to keep me on this path.  I have reached the point where I’m mostly content with myself and the people around me.  But I do need to constantly stop and have a good think about how I really feel about certain things that come up each day so as to stop reverting back to a scripted life of blindly following the crowd and people pleasing.  I’m sure a lot of people are on the same journey of self discover.  If you are constantly trying to separate the real from the fake in your head space and life please comment with any tips, because anything that might make the process easier is worth a try.

The end goal is to be truly happy, whilst being happily true.

 

If you like my work and want to support me, you can do so on Patreon by clicking below. Thanks for reading…till next time 🙂

support at patreon

 

 

 

 

 

 

Am I not good enough?

As creative people, it is often that we come across feelings of insecurity and we question our self-worth.  You’ll find that even some of the most successful creators in the world sometimes struggle with self confidence – the questions ‘Am I not good enough?’ or ‘Do I deserve this?’ lurking in the dark corners of their minds.

You see, to be an artist, you must be able to feel things, emotions, energy and vibes. We let down our guards and open ourselves up to be susceptible to the feel of everything around us, and we try to feel these emotions through, rather than suppress them.  Then we use these emotions and feels create and relate in a meaningful way.  This process can often leave us vulnerable and sensitive.

When you open yourself up to a more emotional state, you often cannot control the feelings that you will absorb or bring up.  It’s why we see some of the best creators in the world struggle with demons of anxiety disorders and depression.

Is it worth it? In my opinion, to feel is to be human, and a life without a certain level of emotion is pointless.  So in with the good vibes – and sometimes the bad.

Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m good enough.  My singing, my ability to perform and teach, my writing, my appearance, my intellect.  And this feeling is often attached to a need for validation.

Social media plays a big part in today’s world as a tool for people to be validated, judged and accepted.  There are people literally dying for views, likes, and follows.  And therefore getting upset and torn down by the lack of these interactions.

Picture this, I spend a week thinking, writing, recording and making a video and original song. And when I post in online, it gets under 10 views, 3 likes an no comments.  No one cares.  Was it a crap song? Do I look bad in the video? Is my vocal not u to scratch? Am I good enough?….Why do I even bother?

10 minutes before posting, I was super proud of my work and feeling a sense of achievement.  And the just like that, I’m shattered.  Maybe by a computer robot that decided not to show my post in friends’ news feed?.  But that doesn’t matter, I’ve already been knocked down.  And sometimes that’s enough to set off a downward spiral into depression.

Then my coping mechanism kicks in.  My state of mind flips over to logical rather than emotional.  I focus on the things I have rather than what I don’t. And slowly the gauge moves from negative to positive.  That is a process I have worked very hard to develop.  I think about the things that I have achieved in my career and life, and  I remember positive comments that people have given me in the past.  I also remember how nice it felt to create my work.  The journey itself, was my reward.  And that’s it people!  The value of creating is in the creating, not the sale.  And that needs to be enough otherwise you will always feel let down.  Self validation is the key.  “I love this piece of work, I enjoyed making it, it’s awesome”.  That should be enough.  But it is easier said than done.

Creatives wake up each day and choose to be vulnerable, and to share personal experiences and emotions with us through their work, for the betterment of the world.  What would the world be like without art and music? Fucking horrible.

And sometimes we fail or are lazy, or too busy to acknowledge that contribution.  And when we fail to support and acknowledge others, we leave room for those people to feel hindered and ask themselves ‘what is the point?’

No I’m not saying that it is your fault that people  sometimes don’t feel good enough.  What I’m saying is:  Try to be a part of the thoughts that derail the negativity.  Try to be part of the coping mechanism.  Be the positive comment in the back of a creative mind.  We all need reassurance sometimes, even the most confident of us.

It’s very simple.  When you see something on social media that you like. Like it.  Better yet, comment on it.  Because the more interaction and response the post gets, the more it will be shown to others.  So many ridiculous posts go viral these days and too often I see real art being overlooked and ignored.

Support your creatives, my friends.  Not just online, go out and see a show, buy an album, share and spread the word.  And tell them. Tell them if you think they are awesome, even if you think that they must hear it all the time from others.  Because one day,  when that person is feeling sub-par, they might think about how you support them and it may just be enough for them to pick themselves up and keep going.  Your simple deed could be that person’s savior.

My fellow creatives, I’m so honored to be in the presence of your talent.  Enjoy creating and don’t let lack of interaction or trolling hinder you.  The journey and process is often more important than the outcome.  The world sees you. The world appreciates you. And the world needs you .  Stay shining.

Roxy Xx

 

PS if you like what I’m doing, feel free to share, comment like and follow.  Or you can support my work on Patreon  at http://www.patreon/roxanelebrasse