But what will they say…

When I stopped worrying about what other people would think about me, my opportunities quadrupled and my income tripled.

It’s so amazing how we so willingly accept other people’s opinion and judgement as our truths.

Nobody knows you more than YOU.
Nobody gets to decide your intention when doing something but YOU.
Nobody lives through your story and decisions more than YOU.

But it’s easy to surrender responsibility to others.

I get it. That was me. Always asking advice from my friends (even on the smallest things), Always hesitating do put myself out there because: What would people think? What would people say? How will this decision be perceived?

Always needing someone to validate my actions. TO VALIDATE ME.

What I didn’t realise for a long time is that I allowed others to control and design MY LIFE because of this. People form opinions based on their personal experiences and HISTORY. And everyone’s story and experiences are unique even though some may seem the same.

Which means that yes, you can learn from other people’s mistakes, but the outcome that someone gets from doing something might not be the same as the outcome that you might get from doing the EXACT same thing. There are too many external factors that make up peoples experiences, successes, failures and opinions. And sometimes the WIN you might get it is worth the RISK.

So should you listen to what others SAY? yes, but not everyone…
Should it override how you FEEL about something? Nope.

The best way is to TRY and form your OWN opinions. And WIN, or LEARN…

If I had listened to the people around me or cared what they would think:

I would have not moved to Sydney when I finished school.
I would not have auditioned for Australian Idol back in the day.
I would have not created The Starlettes, The Boutique, The Alternative.
I would have not been an Artist (they told me that I should only be a writer)
I would have given up on RNB.
I would have given up on singing and writing my own songs a long time ago to “get a real job”.
I would not have moved to Mauritius.
I would not have moved to Perth.
I would not be running my own business,
I would not be earning income from living my truth and spreading my message today.

My biggest successes have come from making decisions WITHOUT caring about others opinions.

Because nobody knows my truth like I do.
And finding space to listen to my intuition and backing myself wholeheartedly has made the world of difference to my life.

I AM WHO I WANT TO BE ALL THE TIME NOW.
And with that CERTAINTY and CONFIDENCE comes OPPORTUNITY and SUCCESS.

And I’m here to EMPOWER others to do the same… However it looks like for them.

Let me know if you are READY 👇

I’m done with hiding

HERE’S THE THING. I’M DONE WITH HIDING.

People still say to me – “It wouldn’t kill you to put a little makeup on or brush your hair before you do your videos, Roxy.”

And you know what — it might. It might kill that beautiful idea that my peeps all currently have of me that I’m super proud of: I am authentically, and unapolegitically me. 👊

And when I dont want to dress up for you, I wont.
Because I dont need to hide behind smoke and mirrors to share my message.

And if you are going to reject what I have to say about life, because I didn’t pluck my eyebrows or put on some lipstick then “bye felicia…” my message isn’t for you.👋

I share when I feel like I have something to say and when I have value to give back to my community. And sometimes there’s no time to worry about what it looks like and what people will say about me.

I don’t need to do myself up to feel beautiful and confident. I made that happen from the inside.
I got over myself. Because what I do and how I serve others is ultimately NOT ABOUT ME.

In my life I have learnt from all different kinds of people, from all walks of life, of various cultures and backgrounds, of every age group. I have learnt to listen past the bullshit aesthetic stuff. You know that saying ‘Dont judge a book by its cover….’ Yeh that shit…💯

Because if you limit yourself to only listening to people who look/sound right. Then you are putting a massive cap on your learning.

Everyone has a lesson to teach if you are willing to listen hard enough… And sometimes the best lessons are taught in the most unorthodox ways, by the most unexpected people. ✨

Business beyond babies

HOW I GOT MY GROOVE BACK and started making $500+ commission per sale at home during nap time and between feeding times.

Choosing to be a mum shouldn’t end your career. But having kids and staying home to raise them can be overwhelming at first. But as the strong women we are, we adapt and change and find a way to manage the busy schedules, the sleepless nights, the nappies, the feeds, the school lunches, the tantrums and the demand for extra attention.

My kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. But they are not the ONLY good things that I have created. I love working, I love feeling financially independent, I love achieving goals, I love completing and closing projects and most of all I love talking…TO ADULTS.

When I had my first baby Chance (now 5), I cut back a lot of my hours to be the amazing mum everyone told me that I would be. I loved my baby in a way I have never felt before and I just wanted to be this super mum that I had seen my friends become over the years. But being a full time mum is hard. Not just physically, but it is taxing mentally and emotionally too. I remember someone saying to you that when you have a baby, that baby will become your entire life and you won’t want to do anything else but look after it…. I was like REALLY?? ANYTHING ELSE??

I worked in events, I performed and coached, I managed talent, I produced shows and I traveled the world….AND THEN I DIDN’T. I loved my job. I wanted to be a mum. But I loved my job, you know.. I didn’t want to choose between the two. The struggle was real. What I mean by the struggle was the guilt. At 3 months old, I left my baby to go on tour again, it wasn’t long, but I still felt like an “abandon-er”, failing to live up to the expectations of motherhood place on my by society.

You see, when we first become mums, we have this idea that everything comes naturally and effortlessly, because that is what we are told. And so when you struggle to do things like, settle, breast feed, or keep up with the general things that you would normally do in life (laundry, dishes, household admin, grooming) you sometimes just feel like a failure.

The one thing that made that feeling of under-achievement go away was going back to work. Going back and feeling like I WAS GOOD at something again. When I felt like a bad mum, I at least could be a damn good performer, producer and manager.

I overcame those new mummy blues after talking to enough mums to realise we pretty much all go through the same thing. But what I did not overcome was the need to be MORE that Just MUM.

And that is totally OK. Motherhood is rewarding and brings beautiful purpose in satisfaction in one’s life. And it is enough for some women. BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE ALL THAT WE ARE. And it most certainly doesn’t have to be the only thing that DEFINES us. We can be a mum AND…..well, whatever the F you like.

The trick is setting yourself up to get what you need out of a career/business life and not burn out and die of exhaustion when you add that to the new responsibilities of being a parent. The trick is changing your work to be more EFFICIENT, more FLEXIBLE, more AUTOMATED, so that you can reap the SAME REWARDS for LESS TIME on deck, physically and mentally. We label this ‘Working SMARTER not HARDER’.

Fast-forwarding to the present. I have 2 very active boys. I still love being a mum. I still love working. But I saw the parts in my life that weren’t compatible with my work and I made changes.

I don’t work for anyone anymore. I have started my own business. This allows me to work on my own time. Night events turned into day conferences and meetings so that I’m not a zombie in the morning for school drop offs. There is always time for ME time and my and HUBBY time. I’m still performing, but I’m choosing my gigs wisely….And the BIGGEST shift is being able to leverage modern technology and the internet to do business so that I can work from anywhere, using a phone or a laptop.

WHAT DO I DO?
I COACH online on my phone, usually in my backyard.
I’m a digital marketer, I make commissions by REFERRING products and programs to the people who need them.
I HELP other mums (and people) like me start their own businesses and get their groove back.
I CREATE and INSPIRE others to go after what they are passionate about by setting an example and going first.
I CONNECT and SHARE ideas and energy with like-minded individuals in my beautiful community.

WHO AM I?

I’m Roxy, I’m a MUM AND an Entrepreneur, AND a Performer, AND a Boss AND an Independent and Empowered Woman.

So if you are sitting at home with your babies wanting a little MORE out of life and a little more for YOURSELF, Click below, register for a free webinar and let me HELP YOU get on the path to being a mum AND….✨

free training

Fr-Enemies (part 1)

barbies

I arrived at your birthday dinner, a celebration of your success and achievements of the year.  I sit down at the table, and there they are.  5 of them.  In our conversations, I’ve heard you talk about how they have stabbed you in the back.  How one of them slept with your boyfriend and how much you dislike being around them.  Yet there they are, seated at your dinner table, sporting their best outfits and smiles.  I wonder ‘why are they here?, why did you invite them?’ I know you don’t like them, you know you don’t like them, the vibe is awkward as fuck for me, and probably you too.  And then it dawns on me.  Could I be one of them too?  Are we actually friends or am I a ‘frenemy’?

Keep your enemies closer they say….But why would I do that?  To guard the every move or word like a paranoid lunatic, so that I can quickly diffuse or damage control every interaction that may have a negative affect to my image or life? Sounds exhausting!  So that I can collect more evidence of why that frenemy should not be part of my life? Is that not harbouring negativity for myself?

How do you feel about me?  How do I know that you genuinely like me if I see your enemies receiving the same treatment?  How do I trust your words, your actions?  What could you be saying behind my back?  I mean, I’m here too, amongst your so called ‘friends’. Am I the only one who feels the underlying tension?

Why do you keep them (us) around?  Are you lonely? Are you so scared of being alone and unpopular that anyone will do? ‘Any relationship, any friendship is better than none.’ Do you believe that?

Is it strategic?  Are you playing some kind of sick revenge game like we see on those soap opera tv shows?  Are you secretly planning a take down?  Are you keeping them around because you feel you have to?  Do they hold dirt on you that you believe they would use against you, were you not friends anymore?

Are you trying to be the ‘better’ person?  A better Christian or whatever? and forgive and forget or fake it till you make it, in hopes that everyone might see what a good and understanding and mature person you are?

Do you feel pity? Are you feeling sorry for your frenemy, that they may not have other people in their life that would fill the void of you not being there? Maybe you don’t know how to break up or end a friendship in an adult and mature manner.

Whatever it is, I pity your insecurity and lack of emotional intelligence.  I will not talk so loud however, because I know what some of that stuff feels like.  I too have had frenemies.  I know too well how to smile when I have to, and say the right things.  I know too well the uneasy feeling of poison in my circle of friends.

And then one day, somebody asked me the above questions.  And when I responded truthfully after some self-reflection, I saw how ridiculous I was being and how much energy I was expelling trying to keep up with lies and schemes.  And one by one I debunked my hang ups.  I decided that I would not be afraid of being alone if I liked the person that I was.  I decided that I wasn’t going to settle for quantity over quality with my friendships and that popularity was a concept for high school and business.  I decided I wanted more for myself, and that I would give my energy to those around me  that I trust and those who genuinely wanted to see me happy and successful, those I could rely on. One of the best decisions I ever made for myself.

Maybe one day you will find that place too.  Because really, who wants frenemies when you could just have friends?

 

 

Opportunity Knocks…But are you even home?

There’s always a way to turn your life around.  We are always only one decision away from changing our lives.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a rut.  And the world doesn’t favour our best interests. World best seller book ‘The Secret’ tells us that we can manifest our destiny by thinking about how it would feel to have certain things.  So I spent hours with my head down concentrating on that mansion at the sea and a massive bank balance but alas! My millions haven’t arrived yet.

Then I thought, what am I actively doing to help my situation?  How much effort am I actually putting in to make things work?  To make my life better? When opportunity knocks, Am I ready and waiting to invite it in? Am I even home? Do I even hear that doorbell?

If you are too busy for change and for yourself, then you are basically telling the universe to come back later. We can’t just pray/ask for something good, and then when it arrives (even the smallest hint), ignore and put in on the ‘back-burner’.  If our heads are too far in the clouds (or deep in paperwork, spreadsheets, bills, stress),  we give up the ability to see the small steps to change and opportunity.

For example, If you want to quit your job and start working for yourself.  And then some one gives you an opportunity to jump in on a free online course about starting a small business, and you can’t do it because you have too much work to get done… You’ve pretty much shut the door on the very opportunity you asked for in the first place.  You’ve told the universe “umm…actually…no I really don’t want that”.

Commitment to your goals and committing your energy to something is what will make it grow.  So if you commit your energy to hating your job, that hate will grow too.  But if you commit your energy into finding a way to make money from something you love to do, opportunities will keep presenting themselves until you find the right one.  But you have to look to find and you have to be conscious about your goals.

If you don’t know where you are going, how are you going to get there?

The first step is to work out where you would like to be, and how you would like to feel.  And Write that shit down!.  List a few goals.  They do not need to be set in concrete, they will most certainly change and evolve as you do.

The next step is to do a bit of research.  On the net, in person, in books.  What are other people doing?  What’s available to me? Who do I know that can help?  What are my strengths and passions and how could they be turned into a project?  You can have a million ideas and it’s totally ok to research all of them.  Vocalise your goals to other people, tell everyone around you.  You’ll keep reminding yourself of where you are going and someone might know someone who may be able to help you in some way. Actively looking, researching, working on and talking about goals sends a message to the universe that you are serious about change.  It is committing your energy a 1000 times more than just thinking about it.

When the opportunities come, however small, make sure you are available to recognise them.  Make sure you are ready to take them on, make sure you have the ability to commit to the change you asked for.

Side note,  I’ve been chatting to some people to help them find purpose and work out what they are passionate about and how they can create more opportunities for themselves and start investing energy inward.  We bounce business ideas, share tips and work it all out together.  If you need some support with making a positive change.  Please feel free to get in contact with me.

Your comments are very welcome…

Happy Friday Everyone 🙂

 

RoxySIGNoff

Love Yourself?

helpsomeone

 

There’s this really old idea that ‘Nobody can love you, if you don’t love yourself”.

People who promote this idea are often doing it out of good intention. I have even found myself giving this advice in the past.  But loving yourself is difficult and at times  feels almost impossible for some people.

Let’s look at it a little differently.. If you were never taught how to love, how would you know?

Some of us have grown up in less fortunate environments which have instilled deep seeded issues around love, trust, self-worth and acceptance.  In all races, cultures and class of family, there can be a lack of emotional intelligence, communication and love.  If your parents weren’t affectionate towards each other or you, then how do you learn to be affectionate toward others?  If your family doesn’t value you as a person, how do you learn to value yourself and others?

The answer is from other people.  Those people who have seen the ‘broken you’ and can accept and love you regardless.  Those people that take the time to listen to your negative train of thoughts and put in the effort to derail those ideas.  Unconditional love and acceptance heals the deepest issues over time.

Sometimes I look at you and think, ‘why can’t you see how amazing you are?’

It is difficult to love someone that doesn’t love (or even like) themselves.  You are always fighting the demon that attacks their self worth.  There is always a reason why they shouldn’t feel good about themselves or why they don’t deserve something.  The emotional road blocks are high and at times, the person gets angry at you for not agreeing with them.  These people are always collecting evidence as to why they are not good enough.  They are almost comfortable in a state of self-loathing, but then they hate that they are this way at the same time. Depression is a demon that can take over your entire life and dim it into darkness.

To be helpful we must understand and accept that, just because you tell someone to feel better, it doesn’t mean that they will (whether they want to or not).  And just because you tell someone to ‘get over it’, doesn’t mean that they can.  All you can really do is be patient and try to de-bunk all the emotional negative ideas with positive  and logical ones.

If you are the person dealing with self-worth and self-love issues, forget about the idea that no one can love you if you can’t love yourself.  There are people who love you for the person that you are.  There are people that see the good in you where you can only see the bad.  There are people who actually want to be around you.  And there are people that see your value to them and the world.  Surround yourself with those people and Accept it.  You don’t need to love yourself just yet, but ACCEPT yourself, no matter how broken or how much of a mess you think you are.

‘This is me. I’m broken, I have issues. I accept that this is who I am’

It is through acceptance of ourselves that we learn to accept other’s love and positive energy.  Accepting that you are broken opens the door for others to help pick up the pieces.  And if you cannot focus on the good in yourself. focus on the good in other people.  Law of attraction says focusing on the good will attract the good.  And in time, you will learn to love yourself, bit by bit.

Please feel free to comment if you can relate. I would love to hear your thoughts.

And don’t forget to subscribe or follow to get notified of new blogs from The Alternative.

 

RoxySIGNoff

The Art Of ‘No’

I used to be the ultimate people pleaser and struggled so much with saying ‘no’.  Growing up in a huge family that was very close knit, we were raised with the idea that the right thing to do was to always help people and be compassionate, forgiving and always see the good in others.

Very hard blanket rules that we learn to adhere to without flexibility make for some serious issues down the line in our adult life.  At one point I absolutely dreaded saying ‘no’.  The word would come with a huge boulder of guilt that lay heavy on my shoulders.  As a result of this, I often found myself in awkward situations or helping people I didn’t want to ,or giving up time I didn’t have to others.

Saying ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’  is a terrible habit.  On every level.  It leads you away from your natural path of life and often can leave you feeling used, bitter and resentful.

For example: “Hey Roxy, can you please give me a lift to work?”  My thoughts : ‘Well actually, I have an appointment in 20 mins and you are going in the other direction so I don’t really have time for that cause I will be late.  Me out loud: “Yeh ok” accompanied with a smile.  Obviously my friend gets dropped off and I miss my appointment and my natural thought pattern goes to : ‘Fuck! why did she have to ask me…now I’ve missed my appointment because of her… grrr…’ – And there it is, Resentment. Underserved because I couldn’t say ‘no’.  This situation is entirely my fault.  What I should have said “Actually, I have an appointment in 20 mins, so I won’t be able to this time, sorry”.  Seems pretty simple right?  Well under a boulder of ‘no’ guilt, sometimes its impossible.

Scenario 2:

Cousin chops off my left foot (bear with me).  Said cousin asks me to go out for a coffee.  Me thinking: ‘No I don’t like you’. Me out loud “Yeh sure”.  The following experience is awkward and unpleasant and I pretend to be happy – yes people, now I’ve resorted to lying.  What should have happened:  Cousin “Hey you wanna go for coffee?” Me “No, not really”.  Cousin “Come on, why?”  Me “Bitch you cut off my left foot and I don’t like you!”…yes it’s a bit abrupt but at least its the truth.

So in the years of saying ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’, I became a contradiction.  I realised that I had made myself a dishonest and two-faced person.  These scary ‘no’s’ had turned me into an awful version of myself.  Surely this was much worse than turning down a few people.

And so one day I decided I was done with that.  That I would push through the guilt and be forward about how I felt about things.  It really made me feel like a grown up to be able to openly own my emotions like that and very quickly I fizzled out the ‘users’ that were constantly in my world.  I avoided putting myself in awkward situations, I felt no resentment and in communicating better, I started to create more meaningful relationships with the right people around me.

The hardest part is to separate your emotional reaction to a situation and look at it logically.  We must remember that emotions are subjective and logic is objective.  The same emotional reaction to a certain situation will not necessarily be shared by the individuals in that scenario. But the logical reality generally remains consistent.  

We all have a different catalogue of memories which we often call back to when navigating the world.  Take myself as an example, I went to an all-girl catholic private high school growing up.  We wore a bright red uniform everyday, red and white school dress, red pullover, red blazer and even red hair tie.  Today you would never catch me in anything red.  I can’t put it on me without feeling yuck.  Now, it’s not that it looks bad on me or its a bad colour, but it reminds me of sitting at school with no freedoms and being bored as fuck.  To anyone else, it’s just a colour and some people even love it (probably because of another type of emotional memory). But if I really had to wear red for a particular reason, I would deal with my hang up by understanding where the emotional reaction comes from, clarifying the difference between my memory catalogue and the current situation and debunking the negative block.  

It’s the same with saying ‘no’.  If we recognise the emotional reaction and put it aside, we can think about the logical reasoning for saying ‘no’ thus making it an acceptable response.  Communicating the reason why also reduces the chance for bad assumptions so that’s a good idea too.

The word ‘no’, although literally meaning ‘negative’, does not need to be judged  in that way.   Saying ‘no’ is just leaving us time and energy to say ‘yes’ somewhere else.   Sometimes you have to look after yourself before you can help others.  In an airplane safety video, you are asked to put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others fit theirs.  This is simply because If you are in a better position, you are better equipped to help others.  It’s not a selfish act if it’s a logical one.

So my big advice for today is to master the art of ‘no’.  Use it appropriately and take responsibility for your own opinions and feelings. Never say ‘maybe’ when you actually mean ‘no’.  It does not soften the blow.  We live in a world with way too much assumption, censoring and political correctness.  If the world started being more direct and honest with each other, we would speed up the process of finding the right kind of friends and developing better relationships; both personal and in business.  And the fakers of the world would be exposed very quickly.  Imagine a world of honest people.  It’s a big ask but small steps may one day lead us there.  In the meanwhile, master your ‘nos’ and own those feelings.  You will be a much better person for it.

Finally I’m really interested to know if anyone shares the ‘no’ guilt issue or has struggled with this in their life.   If so, what do you think were the factors  that contributed/s in conditioning you to feel this way, and how do/did you cope with it?

Feel free to leave comments (button near date at the top).

Also, don’t forget to hit the subscribe button to get notified of my new blogs, events and special offers.

Thanks for reading friends 🙂

Roxy Xx

 

 

Make the Move

I’m hearing the same dialogue all around me and I just wanted to address each statement separately.  I’m going to start by reminding everyone that we were not put on this earth to work hard to pay bills.  The majority of us spend 90% of our time doing stuff we don’t like or could give 2 f@#ks about.  But damn do we have time to complain… We have hours on hours to tell each other how unhappy or ridiculously busy or broke we are.  We have hours to take on and indulge in other peoples business and drama but when it comes to changing and bettering our situation its “I’m stuck, I’m unhappy, My relationship is failing, Myself business is a mess, I have no time for me, I hate my job, I don’t have a choice, It’s just the way it is.”  My responses are below:

“I’m stuck”

We are only held captive by our ideas and thoughts.  Change your thinking, change your situation.  There is always a different way to look at things you must be willing to be open minded.

“I’m unhappy”

People believe that happiness is a destination…. “I’ll be happy when this happens or when I get this or there”. Why can’t we aim to be happy along the way?  Be happy in the now and if you are not, start making small changes to everyday to inject doses of joy.  Happiness is a personal thing.  It is about giving to yourself time, moments, memories, freedoms and feelings. Because what if we never get to that destination happy? Are we doomed to spend a life of misery then die?  I’m sure it wasn’t intended that way.

“My relationship is failing”

Ask yourself why it’s failing?  There a few things that deteriorate a relationship: lack of support, lack of trust, lack of loyalty, lack of honesty, lack of communication, lack of consideration and acknowledgement.  Notice I did not mention love.  You can love someone to bits but it won’t solely hold a relationship together.  When you neglect your relationship – just like any other parts of your life…it starts to slip away.  A good place to start to fix things is to communicate with your partner and admit to the neglect,  and willingness to put energy into repair.  Happiness starts at home.

“My business is a mess”

No business starts out as a mess but plenty end there. Just like a relationship, it’s neglect that will make a business deteriorate.  Business owners fall into the trap of putting all their energy in the things that generate income right now and forget to maintain the things that will ensure the longevity of the business.  The organisation and planning and research aspect of a business should never cease.  Maintain a clean and organised back-end, and implement an accurate reporting tool so that you can make better decisions about the direction that your business is going.  Keep up to date with your market and be willing to be flexible so that you can evolve and adapt appropriately. Also, love what you do.

“I have no time for me”

You are the ruler of your time. You are the ruler of your time. You are the ruler of your time…  If you don’t have time for you then you are giving too much time out.  Usually its going out to your job, other people, and making money.  Just like you allocate time for your job, allocate time for you. Put it in your calendar like an appointment.  If your job or life doesn’t allow it, change your job or life — it’s NOT acceptable to have no time for yourself.

“I hate my job”

Leave.  If you hate your job you are probably a bad worker anyway.  Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and skills and talents.  Find yours and find a job that uses them, and if you can’t find one, create one.

“I don’t have a choice”

You always have a choice.  The options may not be great but they are always there.  Choose and follow through.  Pick a side, don’t fence sit.  And back yourself – how do you expect others to if you don’t?

“Its just the way it is here”

This is the biggest cop out I ever hear.  Its you saying, I’m unwilling to change and I accept my unhappiness because I’m lazy or scared.  No one is ever “ready” to do anything.

MAKE A MOVE. EVEN A SMALL ONE….IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION…ACROSS THE GLOBE IF THATS WHERE YOUR HEART LEADS YOU.  Nothing changes whilst you stay in the same spot physically and mentally and emotionally, so try something new.

This year I moved my family (me, my husband, our to kids and my mother) to Mauritius.  It was a tough move, but I put the idea in my head that I could work from anywhere in the world.  And now I’m proving myself right.  Current situation:

 

If you need some advice and want to talk about how to change your situation, get in contact with me…

Work hard…for the right things

passion

Being in control of your own time, work schedule, creative direction and destiny doesn’t necessarily mean that you work less.  It means that you care a whole lot more about whether you are succeeding and that you find a lot more satisfaction in achieving those personal goals.  I love my job so much that I have to watch myself to not become a workaholic!!  Balance is key.  There must also be time for family, for play, for rest and for fun.