One Decision

I dreamt of a life where I could just create music and spend quality time with my family and friends.
Where the pressure of making money did not rest on my art,
and therefore I could make things that I would LIKE, rather than the things that would SELL (massive difference).
Where I could buy and give my family the highest quality of living without thinking twice about my budget or if I would have enough later.
Where I could choose my gigs based on if I WANTED to go, rather than feel the need to take work or risk being short for my bills and expenses.

A life where I wasn’t held prisoner to my talent or job.

I knew nothing about using the internet for business, except for sharing my music and where I was gigging on facebook etc.
I didn’t understand about SEO or ROIs or even CPE (honestly…I still only know just what I need here)

And then I was introduced to a community of heart-centred entrepreneurs.
People just like me, who wanted more out of life then to pay bills and die.
People who told me that I deserved more and convinced me that it was achievable.

They propped me up.
They set fire to my dreams again.
They kicked my ass when I slacked off.
They celebrated every win and milestone I achieved.
And supported me with skills, education, business advice and coaching every step of the way.

What happened was incredible.
In the last year:

I expanded my teaching business.
I set up a base for me and my family in Perth.
I launched an online program.
I fixed my health.
I got a better hold of my energy and stress levels.
I gave myself a pay rise for my performances.
I travelled and worked remotely, mostly on my own time.
I learnt a ton of new skills.
I earnt money in my sleep!! (I know right!)
I let go of a lot of my issues.
I faced some of my demons.
I put myself on The Voice Australia.
I created the album I’ve been dreaming about for over 10 years (just wait till you hear it).
All while creating multiple ways of earning and giving myself more options for the future.

I still have time to hang with my babies.
I’m still passionate about what I do.
And I’m super excited to help others make break-throughs and changes that have a positive impact on their lives.

I get you might think this is all too good to be true.
I thought it was too, but I gave it a go anyway.
Because the only thing I had to lose was my old life, the old me… And I’m ok with that.

It all started with some epic free online workshops. One decision that I totally wasn’t ready for.
But am so glad I did…And now I’m offering them to you…

Click here for access

But what will they say…

When I stopped worrying about what other people would think about me, my opportunities quadrupled and my income tripled.

It’s so amazing how we so willingly accept other people’s opinion and judgement as our truths.

Nobody knows you more than YOU.
Nobody gets to decide your intention when doing something but YOU.
Nobody lives through your story and decisions more than YOU.

But it’s easy to surrender responsibility to others.

I get it. That was me. Always asking advice from my friends (even on the smallest things), Always hesitating do put myself out there because: What would people think? What would people say? How will this decision be perceived?

Always needing someone to validate my actions. TO VALIDATE ME.

What I didn’t realise for a long time is that I allowed others to control and design MY LIFE because of this. People form opinions based on their personal experiences and HISTORY. And everyone’s story and experiences are unique even though some may seem the same.

Which means that yes, you can learn from other people’s mistakes, but the outcome that someone gets from doing something might not be the same as the outcome that you might get from doing the EXACT same thing. There are too many external factors that make up peoples experiences, successes, failures and opinions. And sometimes the WIN you might get it is worth the RISK.

So should you listen to what others SAY? yes, but not everyone…
Should it override how you FEEL about something? Nope.

The best way is to TRY and form your OWN opinions. And WIN, or LEARN…

If I had listened to the people around me or cared what they would think:

I would have not moved to Sydney when I finished school.
I would not have auditioned for Australian Idol back in the day.
I would have not created The Starlettes, The Boutique, The Alternative.
I would have not been an Artist (they told me that I should only be a writer)
I would have given up on RNB.
I would have given up on singing and writing my own songs a long time ago to “get a real job”.
I would not have moved to Mauritius.
I would not have moved to Perth.
I would not be running my own business,
I would not be earning income from living my truth and spreading my message today.

My biggest successes have come from making decisions WITHOUT caring about others opinions.

Because nobody knows my truth like I do.
And finding space to listen to my intuition and backing myself wholeheartedly has made the world of difference to my life.

I AM WHO I WANT TO BE ALL THE TIME NOW.
And with that CERTAINTY and CONFIDENCE comes OPPORTUNITY and SUCCESS.

And I’m here to EMPOWER others to do the same… However it looks like for them.

Let me know if you are READY 👇

I’m done with hiding

HERE’S THE THING. I’M DONE WITH HIDING.

People still say to me – “It wouldn’t kill you to put a little makeup on or brush your hair before you do your videos, Roxy.”

And you know what — it might. It might kill that beautiful idea that my peeps all currently have of me that I’m super proud of: I am authentically, and unapolegitically me. 👊

And when I dont want to dress up for you, I wont.
Because I dont need to hide behind smoke and mirrors to share my message.

And if you are going to reject what I have to say about life, because I didn’t pluck my eyebrows or put on some lipstick then “bye felicia…” my message isn’t for you.👋

I share when I feel like I have something to say and when I have value to give back to my community. And sometimes there’s no time to worry about what it looks like and what people will say about me.

I don’t need to do myself up to feel beautiful and confident. I made that happen from the inside.
I got over myself. Because what I do and how I serve others is ultimately NOT ABOUT ME.

In my life I have learnt from all different kinds of people, from all walks of life, of various cultures and backgrounds, of every age group. I have learnt to listen past the bullshit aesthetic stuff. You know that saying ‘Dont judge a book by its cover….’ Yeh that shit…💯

Because if you limit yourself to only listening to people who look/sound right. Then you are putting a massive cap on your learning.

Everyone has a lesson to teach if you are willing to listen hard enough… And sometimes the best lessons are taught in the most unorthodox ways, by the most unexpected people. ✨

Fr-Enemies (part 1)

barbies

I arrived at your birthday dinner, a celebration of your success and achievements of the year.  I sit down at the table, and there they are.  5 of them.  In our conversations, I’ve heard you talk about how they have stabbed you in the back.  How one of them slept with your boyfriend and how much you dislike being around them.  Yet there they are, seated at your dinner table, sporting their best outfits and smiles.  I wonder ‘why are they here?, why did you invite them?’ I know you don’t like them, you know you don’t like them, the vibe is awkward as fuck for me, and probably you too.  And then it dawns on me.  Could I be one of them too?  Are we actually friends or am I a ‘frenemy’?

Keep your enemies closer they say….But why would I do that?  To guard the every move or word like a paranoid lunatic, so that I can quickly diffuse or damage control every interaction that may have a negative affect to my image or life? Sounds exhausting!  So that I can collect more evidence of why that frenemy should not be part of my life? Is that not harbouring negativity for myself?

How do you feel about me?  How do I know that you genuinely like me if I see your enemies receiving the same treatment?  How do I trust your words, your actions?  What could you be saying behind my back?  I mean, I’m here too, amongst your so called ‘friends’. Am I the only one who feels the underlying tension?

Why do you keep them (us) around?  Are you lonely? Are you so scared of being alone and unpopular that anyone will do? ‘Any relationship, any friendship is better than none.’ Do you believe that?

Is it strategic?  Are you playing some kind of sick revenge game like we see on those soap opera tv shows?  Are you secretly planning a take down?  Are you keeping them around because you feel you have to?  Do they hold dirt on you that you believe they would use against you, were you not friends anymore?

Are you trying to be the ‘better’ person?  A better Christian or whatever? and forgive and forget or fake it till you make it, in hopes that everyone might see what a good and understanding and mature person you are?

Do you feel pity? Are you feeling sorry for your frenemy, that they may not have other people in their life that would fill the void of you not being there? Maybe you don’t know how to break up or end a friendship in an adult and mature manner.

Whatever it is, I pity your insecurity and lack of emotional intelligence.  I will not talk so loud however, because I know what some of that stuff feels like.  I too have had frenemies.  I know too well how to smile when I have to, and say the right things.  I know too well the uneasy feeling of poison in my circle of friends.

And then one day, somebody asked me the above questions.  And when I responded truthfully after some self-reflection, I saw how ridiculous I was being and how much energy I was expelling trying to keep up with lies and schemes.  And one by one I debunked my hang ups.  I decided that I would not be afraid of being alone if I liked the person that I was.  I decided that I wasn’t going to settle for quantity over quality with my friendships and that popularity was a concept for high school and business.  I decided I wanted more for myself, and that I would give my energy to those around me  that I trust and those who genuinely wanted to see me happy and successful, those I could rely on. One of the best decisions I ever made for myself.

Maybe one day you will find that place too.  Because really, who wants frenemies when you could just have friends?

 

 

Disappointment

 

Disappointment is one of the hardest emotions to deal with.  I can get over anger and frustration, but disappointment, that’s a killer.  My expectations of others, to me, don’t seem to be overly high.  Basically put, I expect the same respect, loyalty and honesty that I put out into the world, back.

It is emotionally shattering when someone that you care about falls short of your expectations of even the smallest things.  My heart wants to forget and move on, but my head says that I’m just setting myself up for more heartache down the track.

I’ve always been taught to see the good in others, but when it comes to blindly ignoring a persons actions to preserve your own idea of who and how that person really is, it becomes an issue of of lying to myself and choosing to be naive. Good relationships are built on trust and when there is a moral difference between you and a person, whether it be your partner, mother, father, brother, aunt or close friend, you start to wonder whether you can co-exist with that person.

Sometimes it can be that you haven’t  communicated your expectation of that person to them, and therefore, they cannot live up to those expectations without knowing what those expectations are.

But do I really have to spell this out for you? Do I really need to tell you what it is to be a decent human being?

The answer is yes.  In a world where there are so many different personality types, and people have different histories and up-bringing, it is only logical that they would have different moral codes and standards.

A really good example is tardiness.  Some people have no problem with making people wait for them. ‘It’s only 15 mins, 30 mins, an hour…’  And yet others (including myself) harbour guilt and anxiety when they are late and have not properly respected others’ time – Comes down to how you value your time really, doesn’t it?

So YES, vocalize your expectations, and when that person actively chooses to fall short, then you can right-fully hold them accountable.

So what happens when they do fall short?

You ask yourself, can you live with it? Can you honestly lower your expectation and accept that this person doesn’t have the capacity to fit into your idea of them? Will you accept a compromised version?  Will you settle for less? It’s a tough decision, but if the answer is no, then you must try to distance yourself.  Because if you don’t you will start a very quick path to building resentment for that person.

Maybe not forever.

One day you might see that this person has genuinely evolved and changed, and there ‘new’ being is someone you might want to accept into your life again.  People do change after all.  This is the best outcome you can hope for in the future.

But how do you let go?

I’m still trying to figure this one out myself.  But I tell you, it’s not without some tears and heartache.  Remember that you are choosing to let go an idea that you created of someone, and choosing to see them, in reality, for the person that they actually are.  What is the point of having a friend, if they are a shit friend?  What is the point of trusting someone, when they do not value that trust?  There is no point.  Often we hold on to people because we fear being alone.  But I would rather be alone than be surrounded by toxic people.

Once again, Actively rejecting people and certain personality traits will send a great message to the universe that you want something/someone better.  And the ‘better’ will come eventually. We must let go of the bad ,so that we have time in our lives for good people.  It is far from easy, but the concept makes perfect sense.

Also remember that distancing yourself doesn’t need to be mean or spiteful.  It could just mean interacting on a shallower and impersonal level.  People can only emotionally mess with you if you give them the power to.

This is NOT about YOU.

Another important point is:  Whether or not someone lives up to your expectation, is not a reflection of your worthiness.  Wait, I will say that again:  If someone falls short of your expectation of them, it is not because they thought that you were not worth the effort.  This is about THEM not YOU.  Self blame is a dark, dark road.

Practise Gratitude.

Finally, if you have people that are in you life that are ace-ing the relationship and friendship game, hold on to them tight and be grateful.  Today I’m grateful for David, my kids, mother and our strong family unit, which sets the bar on my expectation of the kind of relationships and interactions I want to be having with others.  To my friends and the few people who are actively putting in the effort to be a positive force in my life, Thank you.  You know who you are. Never go away.

RoxySIGNoff

Opportunity Knocks…But are you even home?

There’s always a way to turn your life around.  We are always only one decision away from changing our lives.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a rut.  And the world doesn’t favour our best interests. World best seller book ‘The Secret’ tells us that we can manifest our destiny by thinking about how it would feel to have certain things.  So I spent hours with my head down concentrating on that mansion at the sea and a massive bank balance but alas! My millions haven’t arrived yet.

Then I thought, what am I actively doing to help my situation?  How much effort am I actually putting in to make things work?  To make my life better? When opportunity knocks, Am I ready and waiting to invite it in? Am I even home? Do I even hear that doorbell?

If you are too busy for change and for yourself, then you are basically telling the universe to come back later. We can’t just pray/ask for something good, and then when it arrives (even the smallest hint), ignore and put in on the ‘back-burner’.  If our heads are too far in the clouds (or deep in paperwork, spreadsheets, bills, stress),  we give up the ability to see the small steps to change and opportunity.

For example, If you want to quit your job and start working for yourself.  And then some one gives you an opportunity to jump in on a free online course about starting a small business, and you can’t do it because you have too much work to get done… You’ve pretty much shut the door on the very opportunity you asked for in the first place.  You’ve told the universe “umm…actually…no I really don’t want that”.

Commitment to your goals and committing your energy to something is what will make it grow.  So if you commit your energy to hating your job, that hate will grow too.  But if you commit your energy into finding a way to make money from something you love to do, opportunities will keep presenting themselves until you find the right one.  But you have to look to find and you have to be conscious about your goals.

If you don’t know where you are going, how are you going to get there?

The first step is to work out where you would like to be, and how you would like to feel.  And Write that shit down!.  List a few goals.  They do not need to be set in concrete, they will most certainly change and evolve as you do.

The next step is to do a bit of research.  On the net, in person, in books.  What are other people doing?  What’s available to me? Who do I know that can help?  What are my strengths and passions and how could they be turned into a project?  You can have a million ideas and it’s totally ok to research all of them.  Vocalise your goals to other people, tell everyone around you.  You’ll keep reminding yourself of where you are going and someone might know someone who may be able to help you in some way. Actively looking, researching, working on and talking about goals sends a message to the universe that you are serious about change.  It is committing your energy a 1000 times more than just thinking about it.

When the opportunities come, however small, make sure you are available to recognise them.  Make sure you are ready to take them on, make sure you have the ability to commit to the change you asked for.

Side note,  I’ve been chatting to some people to help them find purpose and work out what they are passionate about and how they can create more opportunities for themselves and start investing energy inward.  We bounce business ideas, share tips and work it all out together.  If you need some support with making a positive change.  Please feel free to get in contact with me.

Your comments are very welcome…

Happy Friday Everyone 🙂

 

RoxySIGNoff

What would you rather be doing?

10years

 

It’s been a productive week.  My eldest son, Chance started school (pre-primary), I had 2 wisdom teeth pulled out, snuck in 2 mid-week gigs, 1 Skype singing lesson and recorded a new song idea.  And so with Chance being kept busy 5 days a week 830-3pm, I’ve been given a whole lot of time back.  I actually feel rich!

You see, we should see our time and energy as we see our money – even more precious, as time and energy spent can never be returned to you.  Yet, so many people are willing to give up their precious time doing things they don’t enjoy for very small amounts of money or return.

Today I ask, What are you doing with your time and energy? and What would you rather be doing?  If you find the two answers are far from each other then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate.

Believe it or not, not all people dread the idea of going to work.  And I’m not just making reference to people who have exciting jobs and get paid a shitload of money.  There are some people who love their job waiting tables, or driving a delivery van or doing someone’s taxes.  And outside of this, there are some people who just haven’t found their ‘Happy’ yet.

The world is full of different and unique personalities and there is no standard one way road to happiness.  And frankly, that’s because ‘happiness’ means something different to each and every one of us.  So no, you don’t need to be rich to be happy, but you do need to be happy to feel enriched.

To my friends who plod along in life on auto-pilot feeling unhappy, apathetic and without purpose: It’s time to take a moment.  Ask yourself what would you rather be doing.  And then do it.  Now… I don’t mean quit your job and start being a full time finger-painter because ‘I love finger-painting’ and then go broke and get homeless etc… Just take it in small steps.  That time that you are throwing at people like its worthless, I say, hold on to some of it.  Keep it for yourself.  Just a few hours a week doing what you love to heal your heart and feed your soul.  It will make such a difference in your life and could spark an idea for a project, and that project could later fit into a business model, and in taking little steps you might see value in dedicating more time to that ‘Happy’ and turn it into something that makes you money, directly or indirectly.  Your ‘Happy could end up being your full time job — you could live on it! Wouldn’t that be amazing??

Well it’s not impossible.  Some of us are just enslaved by our ideas about the ‘rules of life’.  And we resign to the fact that our life is just about waking up and going to work for 40 hours to make someone else rich, just so we can pay bills and ask for permission to go on a holiday for 2 weeks, once a year.  Shit! that sounds all sorts of crazy to me.

The Alternative?  Put  your happiness at the top of your priority list.  Because happiness attracts all kinds of success. And happiness brings good health.  Happiness fixes relationships.  Happiness attracts customers. And happiness finds the right squad for you to hang out with.

But all change is difficult and scary for most, and it requires time and energy. So when dividing up that time and energy across your commitments, please reserve some of that energy for your ‘Happy’.  If you think that you are too busy, then basically you’ve decided to settle for your current situation.

And if you don’t know where to start, who you are, what you like and what you should be doing, maybe I can help you.

Watch this space for upcoming events, info and blogs or get in contact at thealternativetoday@gmail.com  if you want to chat.

Finally I want to ask everyone to be thankful for the energy and time that others give to you, as I am thankful for the time you took to read this blog.  Your time is not unlimited. Use it wisely!

RoxySIGNoff

Subscribe to my blog if you want to stay updated 🙂

Make the Move

I’m hearing the same dialogue all around me and I just wanted to address each statement separately.  I’m going to start by reminding everyone that we were not put on this earth to work hard to pay bills.  The majority of us spend 90% of our time doing stuff we don’t like or could give 2 f@#ks about.  But damn do we have time to complain… We have hours on hours to tell each other how unhappy or ridiculously busy or broke we are.  We have hours to take on and indulge in other peoples business and drama but when it comes to changing and bettering our situation its “I’m stuck, I’m unhappy, My relationship is failing, Myself business is a mess, I have no time for me, I hate my job, I don’t have a choice, It’s just the way it is.”  My responses are below:

“I’m stuck”

We are only held captive by our ideas and thoughts.  Change your thinking, change your situation.  There is always a different way to look at things you must be willing to be open minded.

“I’m unhappy”

People believe that happiness is a destination…. “I’ll be happy when this happens or when I get this or there”. Why can’t we aim to be happy along the way?  Be happy in the now and if you are not, start making small changes to everyday to inject doses of joy.  Happiness is a personal thing.  It is about giving to yourself time, moments, memories, freedoms and feelings. Because what if we never get to that destination happy? Are we doomed to spend a life of misery then die?  I’m sure it wasn’t intended that way.

“My relationship is failing”

Ask yourself why it’s failing?  There a few things that deteriorate a relationship: lack of support, lack of trust, lack of loyalty, lack of honesty, lack of communication, lack of consideration and acknowledgement.  Notice I did not mention love.  You can love someone to bits but it won’t solely hold a relationship together.  When you neglect your relationship – just like any other parts of your life…it starts to slip away.  A good place to start to fix things is to communicate with your partner and admit to the neglect,  and willingness to put energy into repair.  Happiness starts at home.

“My business is a mess”

No business starts out as a mess but plenty end there. Just like a relationship, it’s neglect that will make a business deteriorate.  Business owners fall into the trap of putting all their energy in the things that generate income right now and forget to maintain the things that will ensure the longevity of the business.  The organisation and planning and research aspect of a business should never cease.  Maintain a clean and organised back-end, and implement an accurate reporting tool so that you can make better decisions about the direction that your business is going.  Keep up to date with your market and be willing to be flexible so that you can evolve and adapt appropriately. Also, love what you do.

“I have no time for me”

You are the ruler of your time. You are the ruler of your time. You are the ruler of your time…  If you don’t have time for you then you are giving too much time out.  Usually its going out to your job, other people, and making money.  Just like you allocate time for your job, allocate time for you. Put it in your calendar like an appointment.  If your job or life doesn’t allow it, change your job or life — it’s NOT acceptable to have no time for yourself.

“I hate my job”

Leave.  If you hate your job you are probably a bad worker anyway.  Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and skills and talents.  Find yours and find a job that uses them, and if you can’t find one, create one.

“I don’t have a choice”

You always have a choice.  The options may not be great but they are always there.  Choose and follow through.  Pick a side, don’t fence sit.  And back yourself – how do you expect others to if you don’t?

“Its just the way it is here”

This is the biggest cop out I ever hear.  Its you saying, I’m unwilling to change and I accept my unhappiness because I’m lazy or scared.  No one is ever “ready” to do anything.

MAKE A MOVE. EVEN A SMALL ONE….IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION…ACROSS THE GLOBE IF THATS WHERE YOUR HEART LEADS YOU.  Nothing changes whilst you stay in the same spot physically and mentally and emotionally, so try something new.

This year I moved my family (me, my husband, our to kids and my mother) to Mauritius.  It was a tough move, but I put the idea in my head that I could work from anywhere in the world.  And now I’m proving myself right.  Current situation:

 

If you need some advice and want to talk about how to change your situation, get in contact with me…

Have time? Make time!

priorities

There are just not enough hours in a day — I have thought so many times.  What kind of happiness can we achieve if we try to squeeze in a little bit of what you love in between massive chunks of mundane and uninspiring stuff we do day to day?

So many people today live to work – and that’s okay if your work is exactly what you want to do.  But if you are just chasing money to survive and pay bills then somewhere along the line, you’ve lost your path. So I ask:

What is most important? Who is your priority? Where do you want to go? And how much time is spent on these things/people?

If most of your time and energy is not spent on your priorities, than those things/people aren’t really your priorities…

Always chase happiness… Always chase love… Always chase inner-peace and the rest will follow 🙂