I’m done with hiding

HERE’S THE THING. I’M DONE WITH HIDING.

People still say to me – “It wouldn’t kill you to put a little makeup on or brush your hair before you do your videos, Roxy.”

And you know what — it might. It might kill that beautiful idea that my peeps all currently have of me that I’m super proud of: I am authentically, and unapolegitically me. 👊

And when I dont want to dress up for you, I wont.
Because I dont need to hide behind smoke and mirrors to share my message.

And if you are going to reject what I have to say about life, because I didn’t pluck my eyebrows or put on some lipstick then “bye felicia…” my message isn’t for you.👋

I share when I feel like I have something to say and when I have value to give back to my community. And sometimes there’s no time to worry about what it looks like and what people will say about me.

I don’t need to do myself up to feel beautiful and confident. I made that happen from the inside.
I got over myself. Because what I do and how I serve others is ultimately NOT ABOUT ME.

In my life I have learnt from all different kinds of people, from all walks of life, of various cultures and backgrounds, of every age group. I have learnt to listen past the bullshit aesthetic stuff. You know that saying ‘Dont judge a book by its cover….’ Yeh that shit…💯

Because if you limit yourself to only listening to people who look/sound right. Then you are putting a massive cap on your learning.

Everyone has a lesson to teach if you are willing to listen hard enough… And sometimes the best lessons are taught in the most unorthodox ways, by the most unexpected people. ✨

Attitude

Attitudes

Thought of the day:

Nobody wants to be around, work and play with someone who has a bad attitude. Attitude and is often regarded higher than skill because it is far easier to teach someone a new skill than adjust their attitude.

Good Attitude and good energy will open so many doors and will generally rub off on the people around you (or scare off those who don’t have one) #winwin

Take time to be present

We forget sometimes how important it is to upkeep our friendships and relationships with others.  Life can be overwhelmingly busy and we can often get too wrapped up in work, earning money, problem solving and passion projects.  It can be easy to forget friends and loved ones who are ‘low maintenance’ and ‘understanding of our busy schedules’.  But it shouldn’t be the norm.

Never having time for your friends and family is a no go.  Having extended periods of time without up-keep on these relationships makes for your being a very lonely person in the end.  And it doesn’t matter how ‘cool with it’ you think your friend or partner is.

At some point you are showing them where you have placed them in your life, on a ladder of priority.  If your family sits down the ladder at 100th or even  50th place on that priority scale, way behind work, stress, bills, mortgage, networking associates and leads, then how can you argue that you work so hard to provide for them and make them happy?

Happiness is not measured by the amount in your bank account or the amount of possessions and assets you own.  You can still be happy when you have nothing.  But when you have no-one, ‘Happy’ gets significantly more difficult.

Mostly, what your real family and friends desire to have is your attention, your company and your presence, both physical and emotional.  Sometimes we must stop thinking about ourselves being ATMs and Workhorses enough to understand the more important things in life.

It doesn’t take much time to send a text, email, message, to make a phone call even.  You may think that you have zero time. But you always have time because simply put, what could possibly be more important?  What is your life without them?  If you are really struggling to keep up with relationship maintenance schedule it. Schedule it like you do your lunch, or a meeting.  Put it in the calendar : 6-7pm cuddles with kids, 3-4pm returning social messages, 130-2pm phone call to mum 8-10pm No screen time (turn off phones, Ipads etc and spend time with the people around you).  Treat it like any other work task of the day, because it is just as important.

Balancing career, family, friends and personal development isn’t an easy thing to do.  But it’s not impossible if you believe in the importance of it.  Remember that if you dedicate all your time to success & riches, you might end up there…alone.  Just a little effort here and there will definitely go along way with you loved ones, and ensure they still feel loved 🙂

 

 

 

Honesty is such a lonely word

When I was younger, straight out of high school, I had many friends.  I had just moved to Sydney and lived in the mid-city madness of a highly social and fast paced world.  The city oozed with life and excitement and I loved every minute of it.  Naturally, as a singer, I found place in amongst the music scene, the live and touring musicians, the creatives and the night clubs, the high fashion and pop culture.

It is easy making friends as a performer.  It’s part of your job.  You learn very quickly how to socialise in every situation and setting, how to dress appropriately, how to behave, and how to ‘schmooze’.  When you’ve had a great gig and your band is killing it, sometimes you step off stage to find that everybody wants to be your friend.  Now I’m using the ‘friend’ word very loosely because I think that being ‘friends’ with someone runs much deeper than a few ‘hi’s’ and ‘how are yous’.

Most of the people in today’s world thrive on popularity.  They feel validated by the amount of likes and follows on their social media pages and need to feel likeable and have a lot of friends to be happy and successful.  And I was this.  The social butterfly, super friendly, always rolling with the in-crowd.  There was years and years of somewhat shallow social interactions and I was satisfied, if not, comfortable with it.

Today I’m a very different person.  Don’t get me wrong, I still know how to hold myself in the social game and I play a good hand, but I also see it for what it is.  One day I stopped pretending to like everybody and everything and I put away my ever-so scripted conversational habits and started to practise Honesty.

Slowly and surely my life began to change and I became a surer and more defined version of myself.  And a whole lot lonelier.  You see I believe that the more friends you have, the less quality they are, generally speaking. It’s that quality over quantity game that I’m playing now and when I’m winning, I have meaningful and honest friendships and relationships with the people around me.

When you have honest relationships you don’t need to keep up an image or idea of yourself.  There is less ego and more vulnerability.  You also don’t need to censor words and actions.  And the best thing is that you allow people the opportunity to get to know the real you and decided whether they accept or not.  You leave the door open for those who aren’t compatible to leave, and those who are to stay and understand.

Nothing worth doing is easy, so I’m not going to tell you that practising honesty is.  It starts with being honest to yourself.  Which can be extremely challenging.  To separate our feelings and set aside pride and ego and let the facade fall away.  Sometimes we don’t like what we find under there; insecurity, contradiction, imperfection and fear.  Some people have lived behind an idea of themselves for so long that they don’t even know who they really are, what they actually like, where they want to be.  It’s a scary stage of self discovery but it is necessary regardless.  And sometimes on this journey, we discover we have made bad choices, and wasted a lot of time.  Imagine working your ass of to climb the ladder of a certain career path, getting to the top and realising ‘oh shit! I actually don’t like this job at all’.  It happens.  More than you think.

These days society almost encourages us to turn off our inner voices and blindly follow the crowd, and be part of whats trending.  It’s great for marketing and business, but not so great for humanity.  Honesty doesn’t necessarily keep you ahead in the game, in fact it is often met with distaste.  Most people don’t want to want to hear the truth.  They may think they do, but when it comes down to it, they only want truth that benefits them.

So when I say what I mean and I mean what I say, it can be confronting, well for those who do not practise honesty that is.  I found that once I committed to always speaking the truth and sharing my real feelings, I lost a lot of so called friends.  Most people don’t want to hear about your horrible day when they ask ‘how are you’ nor do they want to know about your life problems or hear you whine or help you work through issues. Most.  Real friends do. And this is what I mean when I say quality over quantity, having honest relationships requires time.  And not all of us have ample amounts of time left after family and work chews in.  So we must choose our friendships wisely.  And accept the fact that some people aren’t ready to have honest relationships and may want to run in the opposite direction.  What you do gain, after the filtering is a close group of friends who have care, consideration and are actually interested in being apart of your life.

It’s very sad to see the lack of truth represented in today’s world.  With fake news at it’s peak and the distance that social media and technology ironically widens between people, its no wonder some of us feel lonely in the most crowded places.  But we must rise above and stop to listen to our own truths and seek out truth in others and try our best to practise honesty.  Go with that gut feeling, go against the crowd if that is how you feel and be honest about your opinions.  There are people out there that will share similar opinions and that will understand you.  But first you need to give them a chance to get to know who you really are.

Everyday I wake up and choose to live my truth and it has been a difficult and continues to be a challenging task.  Being a parent and setting a good example for my children has being one major reason to keep me on this path.  I have reached the point where I’m mostly content with myself and the people around me.  But I do need to constantly stop and have a good think about how I really feel about certain things that come up each day so as to stop reverting back to a scripted life of blindly following the crowd and people pleasing.  I’m sure a lot of people are on the same journey of self discover.  If you are constantly trying to separate the real from the fake in your head space and life please comment with any tips, because anything that might make the process easier is worth a try.

The end goal is to be truly happy, whilst being happily true.

 

If you like my work and want to support me, you can do so on Patreon by clicking below. Thanks for reading…till next time 🙂

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Fr-Enemies (part 1)

barbies

I arrived at your birthday dinner, a celebration of your success and achievements of the year.  I sit down at the table, and there they are.  5 of them.  In our conversations, I’ve heard you talk about how they have stabbed you in the back.  How one of them slept with your boyfriend and how much you dislike being around them.  Yet there they are, seated at your dinner table, sporting their best outfits and smiles.  I wonder ‘why are they here?, why did you invite them?’ I know you don’t like them, you know you don’t like them, the vibe is awkward as fuck for me, and probably you too.  And then it dawns on me.  Could I be one of them too?  Are we actually friends or am I a ‘frenemy’?

Keep your enemies closer they say….But why would I do that?  To guard the every move or word like a paranoid lunatic, so that I can quickly diffuse or damage control every interaction that may have a negative affect to my image or life? Sounds exhausting!  So that I can collect more evidence of why that frenemy should not be part of my life? Is that not harbouring negativity for myself?

How do you feel about me?  How do I know that you genuinely like me if I see your enemies receiving the same treatment?  How do I trust your words, your actions?  What could you be saying behind my back?  I mean, I’m here too, amongst your so called ‘friends’. Am I the only one who feels the underlying tension?

Why do you keep them (us) around?  Are you lonely? Are you so scared of being alone and unpopular that anyone will do? ‘Any relationship, any friendship is better than none.’ Do you believe that?

Is it strategic?  Are you playing some kind of sick revenge game like we see on those soap opera tv shows?  Are you secretly planning a take down?  Are you keeping them around because you feel you have to?  Do they hold dirt on you that you believe they would use against you, were you not friends anymore?

Are you trying to be the ‘better’ person?  A better Christian or whatever? and forgive and forget or fake it till you make it, in hopes that everyone might see what a good and understanding and mature person you are?

Do you feel pity? Are you feeling sorry for your frenemy, that they may not have other people in their life that would fill the void of you not being there? Maybe you don’t know how to break up or end a friendship in an adult and mature manner.

Whatever it is, I pity your insecurity and lack of emotional intelligence.  I will not talk so loud however, because I know what some of that stuff feels like.  I too have had frenemies.  I know too well how to smile when I have to, and say the right things.  I know too well the uneasy feeling of poison in my circle of friends.

And then one day, somebody asked me the above questions.  And when I responded truthfully after some self-reflection, I saw how ridiculous I was being and how much energy I was expelling trying to keep up with lies and schemes.  And one by one I debunked my hang ups.  I decided that I would not be afraid of being alone if I liked the person that I was.  I decided that I wasn’t going to settle for quantity over quality with my friendships and that popularity was a concept for high school and business.  I decided I wanted more for myself, and that I would give my energy to those around me  that I trust and those who genuinely wanted to see me happy and successful, those I could rely on. One of the best decisions I ever made for myself.

Maybe one day you will find that place too.  Because really, who wants frenemies when you could just have friends?