But what will they say…

When I stopped worrying about what other people would think about me, my opportunities quadrupled and my income tripled.

It’s so amazing how we so willingly accept other people’s opinion and judgement as our truths.

Nobody knows you more than YOU.
Nobody gets to decide your intention when doing something but YOU.
Nobody lives through your story and decisions more than YOU.

But it’s easy to surrender responsibility to others.

I get it. That was me. Always asking advice from my friends (even on the smallest things), Always hesitating do put myself out there because: What would people think? What would people say? How will this decision be perceived?

Always needing someone to validate my actions. TO VALIDATE ME.

What I didn’t realise for a long time is that I allowed others to control and design MY LIFE because of this. People form opinions based on their personal experiences and HISTORY. And everyone’s story and experiences are unique even though some may seem the same.

Which means that yes, you can learn from other people’s mistakes, but the outcome that someone gets from doing something might not be the same as the outcome that you might get from doing the EXACT same thing. There are too many external factors that make up peoples experiences, successes, failures and opinions. And sometimes the WIN you might get it is worth the RISK.

So should you listen to what others SAY? yes, but not everyone…
Should it override how you FEEL about something? Nope.

The best way is to TRY and form your OWN opinions. And WIN, or LEARN…

If I had listened to the people around me or cared what they would think:

I would have not moved to Sydney when I finished school.
I would not have auditioned for Australian Idol back in the day.
I would have not created The Starlettes, The Boutique, The Alternative.
I would have not been an Artist (they told me that I should only be a writer)
I would have given up on RNB.
I would have given up on singing and writing my own songs a long time ago to “get a real job”.
I would not have moved to Mauritius.
I would not have moved to Perth.
I would not be running my own business,
I would not be earning income from living my truth and spreading my message today.

My biggest successes have come from making decisions WITHOUT caring about others opinions.

Because nobody knows my truth like I do.
And finding space to listen to my intuition and backing myself wholeheartedly has made the world of difference to my life.

I AM WHO I WANT TO BE ALL THE TIME NOW.
And with that CERTAINTY and CONFIDENCE comes OPPORTUNITY and SUCCESS.

And I’m here to EMPOWER others to do the same… However it looks like for them.

Let me know if you are READY 👇

Draw the lines thick

People only treat you the way you allow them to.

We’ve all had a time when we’ve invested our energy into the wrong person or situation or have come to realize someone close was not who they appeared to be.  The eye opening moment when someone shows their real colours can be a disappointing, hurtful and enraging one.  And when it happens to us and we are scarred, it’s easy to put up a wall and withdraw away from others in hopes to avoid reoccurring disappointment.  But shutting out people isnt the right answer.  Rather, we must draw clearer lines in the sand in relation to how we want to be treated and what our expectation of others are.

Some people are just shit.

Seeing the good in everyone and giving the benefit of the doubt often leaves me open to being used.  And sometimes it doesn’t matter how well you treat someone or how much you try to help them, or do good in the world, people will still hate on you, talk shit or see something you are doing wrong.  Shit people, who only think about themselves and project all of their negative crap onto you.

I’ve learnt that people often accuse you of the very thing that they are capable of doing.  Those who accuse of stealing have stolen before.  Those who accuse of cheating have cheated before and so on.  So when it happens, I don’t tolerate it anymore.  Part of being grown is dictating to the world your expectation and deciding who gets to be a part of that world.

Good people deserve good people. 

If you live your life trying to be the best version of yourself and to help those around you then you deserve the same in return. Period. Unfortunately, sometimes in this world, nice guys (and ladies) finish last.  And it seems that the bullshit artists, haters, vultures and cheaters land on top.  In my opinion, it is partially the fault of the ‘nice’.  Often the ‘nice’ are enablers.  Often the nice are submissive.  Often the nice are apathetic.

More and more with the breaking down of the worlds social skills and conscience, ironically at the fault advancement of technology & ‘social’ media, there is a lot of grey around what behavior is deemed appropriate.  So we must start setting clearer boundaries and not assume that ‘people should know where that line is’.  If you draw an invisible line you can be sure some will cross it, even unintentionally.  So when someone does something that doesn’t sit right with you, tell them.

It’s all in the delivery.

When someone crosses that line, you don’t always have to fly off the handle and get all up their face aggressively.  A lot of the time these people don’t realize that they have crossed into the ‘red zone’.  Always approach gently but firm, until you have a good read on the situation.  If you can see that this person is deliberately acting inappropriately or is purposely using your calm, non-confrontational nature to get away with doing wrong by you then its time to push a bit harder (or go to war depending on the situation lol).  Sometimes when you explain things precisely, logically, nicely to someone, they genuinely understand and care enough to stop doing the wrong thing.  Then again, some people need a punch to the head (or the equivalent in words) to get it – to get back to their side of the line.

In plain english

I guess what I’m trying to say is:   If I’m trying to help you and you go around talking shit about me behind my back, and telling everyone that I’m dodgy,  don’t expect me not to say anything to you next time I see you.  Don’t expect me to keep helping you, and don’t expect me to act like we all good.  Because if I allow it to happen once, then what goes to say you wont continue to do those things in the future? And if you can’t see the good in me, then you probably don’t have much good in you, so not having you around is not going to be much of a loss.  Also time does not heal wounds, conversations and resolutions do

Stay real Xx

 

 

 

Am I not good enough?

As creative people, it is often that we come across feelings of insecurity and we question our self-worth.  You’ll find that even some of the most successful creators in the world sometimes struggle with self confidence – the questions ‘Am I not good enough?’ or ‘Do I deserve this?’ lurking in the dark corners of their minds.

You see, to be an artist, you must be able to feel things, emotions, energy and vibes. We let down our guards and open ourselves up to be susceptible to the feel of everything around us, and we try to feel these emotions through, rather than suppress them.  Then we use these emotions and feels create and relate in a meaningful way.  This process can often leave us vulnerable and sensitive.

When you open yourself up to a more emotional state, you often cannot control the feelings that you will absorb or bring up.  It’s why we see some of the best creators in the world struggle with demons of anxiety disorders and depression.

Is it worth it? In my opinion, to feel is to be human, and a life without a certain level of emotion is pointless.  So in with the good vibes – and sometimes the bad.

Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m good enough.  My singing, my ability to perform and teach, my writing, my appearance, my intellect.  And this feeling is often attached to a need for validation.

Social media plays a big part in today’s world as a tool for people to be validated, judged and accepted.  There are people literally dying for views, likes, and follows.  And therefore getting upset and torn down by the lack of these interactions.

Picture this, I spend a week thinking, writing, recording and making a video and original song. And when I post in online, it gets under 10 views, 3 likes an no comments.  No one cares.  Was it a crap song? Do I look bad in the video? Is my vocal not u to scratch? Am I good enough?….Why do I even bother?

10 minutes before posting, I was super proud of my work and feeling a sense of achievement.  And the just like that, I’m shattered.  Maybe by a computer robot that decided not to show my post in friends’ news feed?.  But that doesn’t matter, I’ve already been knocked down.  And sometimes that’s enough to set off a downward spiral into depression.

Then my coping mechanism kicks in.  My state of mind flips over to logical rather than emotional.  I focus on the things I have rather than what I don’t. And slowly the gauge moves from negative to positive.  That is a process I have worked very hard to develop.  I think about the things that I have achieved in my career and life, and  I remember positive comments that people have given me in the past.  I also remember how nice it felt to create my work.  The journey itself, was my reward.  And that’s it people!  The value of creating is in the creating, not the sale.  And that needs to be enough otherwise you will always feel let down.  Self validation is the key.  “I love this piece of work, I enjoyed making it, it’s awesome”.  That should be enough.  But it is easier said than done.

Creatives wake up each day and choose to be vulnerable, and to share personal experiences and emotions with us through their work, for the betterment of the world.  What would the world be like without art and music? Fucking horrible.

And sometimes we fail or are lazy, or too busy to acknowledge that contribution.  And when we fail to support and acknowledge others, we leave room for those people to feel hindered and ask themselves ‘what is the point?’

No I’m not saying that it is your fault that people  sometimes don’t feel good enough.  What I’m saying is:  Try to be a part of the thoughts that derail the negativity.  Try to be part of the coping mechanism.  Be the positive comment in the back of a creative mind.  We all need reassurance sometimes, even the most confident of us.

It’s very simple.  When you see something on social media that you like. Like it.  Better yet, comment on it.  Because the more interaction and response the post gets, the more it will be shown to others.  So many ridiculous posts go viral these days and too often I see real art being overlooked and ignored.

Support your creatives, my friends.  Not just online, go out and see a show, buy an album, share and spread the word.  And tell them. Tell them if you think they are awesome, even if you think that they must hear it all the time from others.  Because one day,  when that person is feeling sub-par, they might think about how you support them and it may just be enough for them to pick themselves up and keep going.  Your simple deed could be that person’s savior.

My fellow creatives, I’m so honored to be in the presence of your talent.  Enjoy creating and don’t let lack of interaction or trolling hinder you.  The journey and process is often more important than the outcome.  The world sees you. The world appreciates you. And the world needs you .  Stay shining.

Roxy Xx

 

PS if you like what I’m doing, feel free to share, comment like and follow.  Or you can support my work on Patreon  at http://www.patreon/roxanelebrasse

 

 

 

 

Sorry Not Sorry

isulted

There is something that rubs me the wrong way about people who cannot, don’t or won’t say “Sorry”.  I have come across a few people in my life who, even when they know that they are undoubtedly at fault, cannot succumb to the ‘S’ word, as it if would crumble their very being.  For me it’s pretty simple.  If you have done something wrong, or that has impacted someone negatively: you say sorry, you feel sorry.  It shows you care enough about that person’s well-being and that you admit that you are feeling guilt.

Guilt Vs Shame

I did some research on people who can’t apologise and what I found was that it usually comes down to one major point: People cannot apologise because instead of guilt, they feel shame.  There is a big difference between the emotions of guilt and shame.  Guilt is being upset and caring about affecting others in a negative way.  Shame on the other hand, is feeling bad about yourself and attacks your ego and self-esteem.  So guilt is directed towards others, and shame is toward yourself.  These ‘non-apologists’ find it difficult to separate the two.

Shame on your ego

Let’s talk about ego.  The definition of ego is ‘a persons sense of self-esteem or self importance’  Ego is the mental image that we  have of ourselves. It is our very sense of identity.  And when we feel shame we pull down our ego/self-worth a notch.  For some people that is too much.  Usually those people have a fragile ego, are insecure and already have a low sense of self-worth, which they are trying to hide from the rest of the world.  They have created an ego/persona so far from the person they really are.  When we apologise and feel guilt we acknowledge that we have hurt another person.  When we apologise and feel shame, we decide that we are bad people.

We apologise in hopes to find resolution and to repair damage, but those who cannot, think that apologies will lead to further accusations and criticism.  The fear of this, and letting everyone know how fragile, or what a fraud they really are, cause a block in the ability to say the word ‘sorry’. The thing is, everybody makes mistakes and being sorry about something does not make you globally a bad person.  Most of the time it comes down to a lapse of judgement.

When sorry isn’t sorry

Another thing that non-apologists do is to say sorry in a round about way that doesnt actually mean sorry.

Some common non-apologies are listed below:

“I’m sorry for the way this all turned out”
This means I’m sorry about the overall outcome but I don’t necessarily acknowledge my fault in this matter.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the person that you wanted me to be”
This is a blatant shift of blame meaning “It’s your own fault for having too high an expectation of me.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way”
This means “You should feel different about this, it’s your own fault for choosing to be upset, angry, hurt, disappointed…etc.”

My response to all of the above is usually a “You can just fuck off now!” or something inspired by this phrase.  Don’t be fooled into accepting an apology that isn’t one.

The pretend it didn’t happen tactic:

Some people don’t apologise, go MIA for a little while ad then come back pretending like it didn’t happen.  And then go further to blame you for not getting over it, moving forward or living in the past.
-“Cant we just get past this?
-“No. Not really. Not until you apologise.”

The sarcastic “S” word:

“Fine, Sorry!”, “If thats what you need to hear”  Apologising is about the words, the tone and the feeling of guilt.  A sarcastic sorry snaps out an accusation not an apology.  The non-apologist is dismissive and accuses the other person of being petty and demanding.

The baby talk “Sorry”:

“Awww, I’m shawy” with puppy dog eyes.  Ugh this is shallow, condescending and manipulative.  Feel free to show your “Shawy” up your ass.

The Suck up:

Said non-apologists may start being super nice to you but still won’t say ‘sorry’, in hopes that you will see their good deeds as an apology and forget all about it.

sorryquote

A Genuine Apology

When you say sorry

  • Understand why you are saying sorry.
  • Explain to the person why you are saying sorry so they know that you understand what you did wrong.
  • Say the words “I’m Sorry”.
  • Offer a reason, not an excuse for your behavior, or explain that you don’t have one.
  • Feel guilty, never angry.
  • Take steps to change or repair the damage.
  • Learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them.

Somehow, ‘Sorry’ became harder to say than ‘I love you’ or ‘I need you’, based on its ties to feeling shame and damaging one’s ego.  When you can sever these ties and apologise and still survive, you become free and empowered.  You become a better person for being able to care for others.

Feel free to comment about your experience with people who cannot apologise and What makes a great apology?

Disappointment

 

Disappointment is one of the hardest emotions to deal with.  I can get over anger and frustration, but disappointment, that’s a killer.  My expectations of others, to me, don’t seem to be overly high.  Basically put, I expect the same respect, loyalty and honesty that I put out into the world, back.

It is emotionally shattering when someone that you care about falls short of your expectations of even the smallest things.  My heart wants to forget and move on, but my head says that I’m just setting myself up for more heartache down the track.

I’ve always been taught to see the good in others, but when it comes to blindly ignoring a persons actions to preserve your own idea of who and how that person really is, it becomes an issue of of lying to myself and choosing to be naive. Good relationships are built on trust and when there is a moral difference between you and a person, whether it be your partner, mother, father, brother, aunt or close friend, you start to wonder whether you can co-exist with that person.

Sometimes it can be that you haven’t  communicated your expectation of that person to them, and therefore, they cannot live up to those expectations without knowing what those expectations are.

But do I really have to spell this out for you? Do I really need to tell you what it is to be a decent human being?

The answer is yes.  In a world where there are so many different personality types, and people have different histories and up-bringing, it is only logical that they would have different moral codes and standards.

A really good example is tardiness.  Some people have no problem with making people wait for them. ‘It’s only 15 mins, 30 mins, an hour…’  And yet others (including myself) harbour guilt and anxiety when they are late and have not properly respected others’ time – Comes down to how you value your time really, doesn’t it?

So YES, vocalize your expectations, and when that person actively chooses to fall short, then you can right-fully hold them accountable.

So what happens when they do fall short?

You ask yourself, can you live with it? Can you honestly lower your expectation and accept that this person doesn’t have the capacity to fit into your idea of them? Will you accept a compromised version?  Will you settle for less? It’s a tough decision, but if the answer is no, then you must try to distance yourself.  Because if you don’t you will start a very quick path to building resentment for that person.

Maybe not forever.

One day you might see that this person has genuinely evolved and changed, and there ‘new’ being is someone you might want to accept into your life again.  People do change after all.  This is the best outcome you can hope for in the future.

But how do you let go?

I’m still trying to figure this one out myself.  But I tell you, it’s not without some tears and heartache.  Remember that you are choosing to let go an idea that you created of someone, and choosing to see them, in reality, for the person that they actually are.  What is the point of having a friend, if they are a shit friend?  What is the point of trusting someone, when they do not value that trust?  There is no point.  Often we hold on to people because we fear being alone.  But I would rather be alone than be surrounded by toxic people.

Once again, Actively rejecting people and certain personality traits will send a great message to the universe that you want something/someone better.  And the ‘better’ will come eventually. We must let go of the bad ,so that we have time in our lives for good people.  It is far from easy, but the concept makes perfect sense.

Also remember that distancing yourself doesn’t need to be mean or spiteful.  It could just mean interacting on a shallower and impersonal level.  People can only emotionally mess with you if you give them the power to.

This is NOT about YOU.

Another important point is:  Whether or not someone lives up to your expectation, is not a reflection of your worthiness.  Wait, I will say that again:  If someone falls short of your expectation of them, it is not because they thought that you were not worth the effort.  This is about THEM not YOU.  Self blame is a dark, dark road.

Practise Gratitude.

Finally, if you have people that are in you life that are ace-ing the relationship and friendship game, hold on to them tight and be grateful.  Today I’m grateful for David, my kids, mother and our strong family unit, which sets the bar on my expectation of the kind of relationships and interactions I want to be having with others.  To my friends and the few people who are actively putting in the effort to be a positive force in my life, Thank you.  You know who you are. Never go away.

RoxySIGNoff

Love Yourself?

helpsomeone

 

There’s this really old idea that ‘Nobody can love you, if you don’t love yourself”.

People who promote this idea are often doing it out of good intention. I have even found myself giving this advice in the past.  But loving yourself is difficult and at times  feels almost impossible for some people.

Let’s look at it a little differently.. If you were never taught how to love, how would you know?

Some of us have grown up in less fortunate environments which have instilled deep seeded issues around love, trust, self-worth and acceptance.  In all races, cultures and class of family, there can be a lack of emotional intelligence, communication and love.  If your parents weren’t affectionate towards each other or you, then how do you learn to be affectionate toward others?  If your family doesn’t value you as a person, how do you learn to value yourself and others?

The answer is from other people.  Those people who have seen the ‘broken you’ and can accept and love you regardless.  Those people that take the time to listen to your negative train of thoughts and put in the effort to derail those ideas.  Unconditional love and acceptance heals the deepest issues over time.

Sometimes I look at you and think, ‘why can’t you see how amazing you are?’

It is difficult to love someone that doesn’t love (or even like) themselves.  You are always fighting the demon that attacks their self worth.  There is always a reason why they shouldn’t feel good about themselves or why they don’t deserve something.  The emotional road blocks are high and at times, the person gets angry at you for not agreeing with them.  These people are always collecting evidence as to why they are not good enough.  They are almost comfortable in a state of self-loathing, but then they hate that they are this way at the same time. Depression is a demon that can take over your entire life and dim it into darkness.

To be helpful we must understand and accept that, just because you tell someone to feel better, it doesn’t mean that they will (whether they want to or not).  And just because you tell someone to ‘get over it’, doesn’t mean that they can.  All you can really do is be patient and try to de-bunk all the emotional negative ideas with positive  and logical ones.

If you are the person dealing with self-worth and self-love issues, forget about the idea that no one can love you if you can’t love yourself.  There are people who love you for the person that you are.  There are people that see the good in you where you can only see the bad.  There are people who actually want to be around you.  And there are people that see your value to them and the world.  Surround yourself with those people and Accept it.  You don’t need to love yourself just yet, but ACCEPT yourself, no matter how broken or how much of a mess you think you are.

‘This is me. I’m broken, I have issues. I accept that this is who I am’

It is through acceptance of ourselves that we learn to accept other’s love and positive energy.  Accepting that you are broken opens the door for others to help pick up the pieces.  And if you cannot focus on the good in yourself. focus on the good in other people.  Law of attraction says focusing on the good will attract the good.  And in time, you will learn to love yourself, bit by bit.

Please feel free to comment if you can relate. I would love to hear your thoughts.

And don’t forget to subscribe or follow to get notified of new blogs from The Alternative.

 

RoxySIGNoff

The Art Of ‘No’

I used to be the ultimate people pleaser and struggled so much with saying ‘no’.  Growing up in a huge family that was very close knit, we were raised with the idea that the right thing to do was to always help people and be compassionate, forgiving and always see the good in others.

Very hard blanket rules that we learn to adhere to without flexibility make for some serious issues down the line in our adult life.  At one point I absolutely dreaded saying ‘no’.  The word would come with a huge boulder of guilt that lay heavy on my shoulders.  As a result of this, I often found myself in awkward situations or helping people I didn’t want to ,or giving up time I didn’t have to others.

Saying ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’  is a terrible habit.  On every level.  It leads you away from your natural path of life and often can leave you feeling used, bitter and resentful.

For example: “Hey Roxy, can you please give me a lift to work?”  My thoughts : ‘Well actually, I have an appointment in 20 mins and you are going in the other direction so I don’t really have time for that cause I will be late.  Me out loud: “Yeh ok” accompanied with a smile.  Obviously my friend gets dropped off and I miss my appointment and my natural thought pattern goes to : ‘Fuck! why did she have to ask me…now I’ve missed my appointment because of her… grrr…’ – And there it is, Resentment. Underserved because I couldn’t say ‘no’.  This situation is entirely my fault.  What I should have said “Actually, I have an appointment in 20 mins, so I won’t be able to this time, sorry”.  Seems pretty simple right?  Well under a boulder of ‘no’ guilt, sometimes its impossible.

Scenario 2:

Cousin chops off my left foot (bear with me).  Said cousin asks me to go out for a coffee.  Me thinking: ‘No I don’t like you’. Me out loud “Yeh sure”.  The following experience is awkward and unpleasant and I pretend to be happy – yes people, now I’ve resorted to lying.  What should have happened:  Cousin “Hey you wanna go for coffee?” Me “No, not really”.  Cousin “Come on, why?”  Me “Bitch you cut off my left foot and I don’t like you!”…yes it’s a bit abrupt but at least its the truth.

So in the years of saying ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’, I became a contradiction.  I realised that I had made myself a dishonest and two-faced person.  These scary ‘no’s’ had turned me into an awful version of myself.  Surely this was much worse than turning down a few people.

And so one day I decided I was done with that.  That I would push through the guilt and be forward about how I felt about things.  It really made me feel like a grown up to be able to openly own my emotions like that and very quickly I fizzled out the ‘users’ that were constantly in my world.  I avoided putting myself in awkward situations, I felt no resentment and in communicating better, I started to create more meaningful relationships with the right people around me.

The hardest part is to separate your emotional reaction to a situation and look at it logically.  We must remember that emotions are subjective and logic is objective.  The same emotional reaction to a certain situation will not necessarily be shared by the individuals in that scenario. But the logical reality generally remains consistent.  

We all have a different catalogue of memories which we often call back to when navigating the world.  Take myself as an example, I went to an all-girl catholic private high school growing up.  We wore a bright red uniform everyday, red and white school dress, red pullover, red blazer and even red hair tie.  Today you would never catch me in anything red.  I can’t put it on me without feeling yuck.  Now, it’s not that it looks bad on me or its a bad colour, but it reminds me of sitting at school with no freedoms and being bored as fuck.  To anyone else, it’s just a colour and some people even love it (probably because of another type of emotional memory). But if I really had to wear red for a particular reason, I would deal with my hang up by understanding where the emotional reaction comes from, clarifying the difference between my memory catalogue and the current situation and debunking the negative block.  

It’s the same with saying ‘no’.  If we recognise the emotional reaction and put it aside, we can think about the logical reasoning for saying ‘no’ thus making it an acceptable response.  Communicating the reason why also reduces the chance for bad assumptions so that’s a good idea too.

The word ‘no’, although literally meaning ‘negative’, does not need to be judged  in that way.   Saying ‘no’ is just leaving us time and energy to say ‘yes’ somewhere else.   Sometimes you have to look after yourself before you can help others.  In an airplane safety video, you are asked to put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others fit theirs.  This is simply because If you are in a better position, you are better equipped to help others.  It’s not a selfish act if it’s a logical one.

So my big advice for today is to master the art of ‘no’.  Use it appropriately and take responsibility for your own opinions and feelings. Never say ‘maybe’ when you actually mean ‘no’.  It does not soften the blow.  We live in a world with way too much assumption, censoring and political correctness.  If the world started being more direct and honest with each other, we would speed up the process of finding the right kind of friends and developing better relationships; both personal and in business.  And the fakers of the world would be exposed very quickly.  Imagine a world of honest people.  It’s a big ask but small steps may one day lead us there.  In the meanwhile, master your ‘nos’ and own those feelings.  You will be a much better person for it.

Finally I’m really interested to know if anyone shares the ‘no’ guilt issue or has struggled with this in their life.   If so, what do you think were the factors  that contributed/s in conditioning you to feel this way, and how do/did you cope with it?

Feel free to leave comments (button near date at the top).

Also, don’t forget to hit the subscribe button to get notified of my new blogs, events and special offers.

Thanks for reading friends 🙂

Roxy Xx

 

 

Make the Move

I’m hearing the same dialogue all around me and I just wanted to address each statement separately.  I’m going to start by reminding everyone that we were not put on this earth to work hard to pay bills.  The majority of us spend 90% of our time doing stuff we don’t like or could give 2 f@#ks about.  But damn do we have time to complain… We have hours on hours to tell each other how unhappy or ridiculously busy or broke we are.  We have hours to take on and indulge in other peoples business and drama but when it comes to changing and bettering our situation its “I’m stuck, I’m unhappy, My relationship is failing, Myself business is a mess, I have no time for me, I hate my job, I don’t have a choice, It’s just the way it is.”  My responses are below:

“I’m stuck”

We are only held captive by our ideas and thoughts.  Change your thinking, change your situation.  There is always a different way to look at things you must be willing to be open minded.

“I’m unhappy”

People believe that happiness is a destination…. “I’ll be happy when this happens or when I get this or there”. Why can’t we aim to be happy along the way?  Be happy in the now and if you are not, start making small changes to everyday to inject doses of joy.  Happiness is a personal thing.  It is about giving to yourself time, moments, memories, freedoms and feelings. Because what if we never get to that destination happy? Are we doomed to spend a life of misery then die?  I’m sure it wasn’t intended that way.

“My relationship is failing”

Ask yourself why it’s failing?  There a few things that deteriorate a relationship: lack of support, lack of trust, lack of loyalty, lack of honesty, lack of communication, lack of consideration and acknowledgement.  Notice I did not mention love.  You can love someone to bits but it won’t solely hold a relationship together.  When you neglect your relationship – just like any other parts of your life…it starts to slip away.  A good place to start to fix things is to communicate with your partner and admit to the neglect,  and willingness to put energy into repair.  Happiness starts at home.

“My business is a mess”

No business starts out as a mess but plenty end there. Just like a relationship, it’s neglect that will make a business deteriorate.  Business owners fall into the trap of putting all their energy in the things that generate income right now and forget to maintain the things that will ensure the longevity of the business.  The organisation and planning and research aspect of a business should never cease.  Maintain a clean and organised back-end, and implement an accurate reporting tool so that you can make better decisions about the direction that your business is going.  Keep up to date with your market and be willing to be flexible so that you can evolve and adapt appropriately. Also, love what you do.

“I have no time for me”

You are the ruler of your time. You are the ruler of your time. You are the ruler of your time…  If you don’t have time for you then you are giving too much time out.  Usually its going out to your job, other people, and making money.  Just like you allocate time for your job, allocate time for you. Put it in your calendar like an appointment.  If your job or life doesn’t allow it, change your job or life — it’s NOT acceptable to have no time for yourself.

“I hate my job”

Leave.  If you hate your job you are probably a bad worker anyway.  Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and skills and talents.  Find yours and find a job that uses them, and if you can’t find one, create one.

“I don’t have a choice”

You always have a choice.  The options may not be great but they are always there.  Choose and follow through.  Pick a side, don’t fence sit.  And back yourself – how do you expect others to if you don’t?

“Its just the way it is here”

This is the biggest cop out I ever hear.  Its you saying, I’m unwilling to change and I accept my unhappiness because I’m lazy or scared.  No one is ever “ready” to do anything.

MAKE A MOVE. EVEN A SMALL ONE….IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION…ACROSS THE GLOBE IF THATS WHERE YOUR HEART LEADS YOU.  Nothing changes whilst you stay in the same spot physically and mentally and emotionally, so try something new.

This year I moved my family (me, my husband, our to kids and my mother) to Mauritius.  It was a tough move, but I put the idea in my head that I could work from anywhere in the world.  And now I’m proving myself right.  Current situation:

 

If you need some advice and want to talk about how to change your situation, get in contact with me…