Draw the lines thick

People only treat you the way you allow them to.

We’ve all had a time when we’ve invested our energy into the wrong person or situation or have come to realize someone close was not who they appeared to be.  The eye opening moment when someone shows their real colours can be a disappointing, hurtful and enraging one.  And when it happens to us and we are scarred, it’s easy to put up a wall and withdraw away from others in hopes to avoid reoccurring disappointment.  But shutting out people isnt the right answer.  Rather, we must draw clearer lines in the sand in relation to how we want to be treated and what our expectation of others are.

Some people are just shit.

Seeing the good in everyone and giving the benefit of the doubt often leaves me open to being used.  And sometimes it doesn’t matter how well you treat someone or how much you try to help them, or do good in the world, people will still hate on you, talk shit or see something you are doing wrong.  Shit people, who only think about themselves and project all of their negative crap onto you.

I’ve learnt that people often accuse you of the very thing that they are capable of doing.  Those who accuse of stealing have stolen before.  Those who accuse of cheating have cheated before and so on.  So when it happens, I don’t tolerate it anymore.  Part of being grown is dictating to the world your expectation and deciding who gets to be a part of that world.

Good people deserve good people. 

If you live your life trying to be the best version of yourself and to help those around you then you deserve the same in return. Period. Unfortunately, sometimes in this world, nice guys (and ladies) finish last.  And it seems that the bullshit artists, haters, vultures and cheaters land on top.  In my opinion, it is partially the fault of the ‘nice’.  Often the ‘nice’ are enablers.  Often the nice are submissive.  Often the nice are apathetic.

More and more with the breaking down of the worlds social skills and conscience, ironically at the fault advancement of technology & ‘social’ media, there is a lot of grey around what behavior is deemed appropriate.  So we must start setting clearer boundaries and not assume that ‘people should know where that line is’.  If you draw an invisible line you can be sure some will cross it, even unintentionally.  So when someone does something that doesn’t sit right with you, tell them.

It’s all in the delivery.

When someone crosses that line, you don’t always have to fly off the handle and get all up their face aggressively.  A lot of the time these people don’t realize that they have crossed into the ‘red zone’.  Always approach gently but firm, until you have a good read on the situation.  If you can see that this person is deliberately acting inappropriately or is purposely using your calm, non-confrontational nature to get away with doing wrong by you then its time to push a bit harder (or go to war depending on the situation lol).  Sometimes when you explain things precisely, logically, nicely to someone, they genuinely understand and care enough to stop doing the wrong thing.  Then again, some people need a punch to the head (or the equivalent in words) to get it – to get back to their side of the line.

In plain english

I guess what I’m trying to say is:   If I’m trying to help you and you go around talking shit about me behind my back, and telling everyone that I’m dodgy,  don’t expect me not to say anything to you next time I see you.  Don’t expect me to keep helping you, and don’t expect me to act like we all good.  Because if I allow it to happen once, then what goes to say you wont continue to do those things in the future? And if you can’t see the good in me, then you probably don’t have much good in you, so not having you around is not going to be much of a loss.  Also time does not heal wounds, conversations and resolutions do

Stay real Xx

 

 

 

Attitude

Attitudes

Thought of the day:

Nobody wants to be around, work and play with someone who has a bad attitude. Attitude and is often regarded higher than skill because it is far easier to teach someone a new skill than adjust their attitude.

Good Attitude and good energy will open so many doors and will generally rub off on the people around you (or scare off those who don’t have one) #winwin

Take time to be present

We forget sometimes how important it is to upkeep our friendships and relationships with others.  Life can be overwhelmingly busy and we can often get too wrapped up in work, earning money, problem solving and passion projects.  It can be easy to forget friends and loved ones who are ‘low maintenance’ and ‘understanding of our busy schedules’.  But it shouldn’t be the norm.

Never having time for your friends and family is a no go.  Having extended periods of time without up-keep on these relationships makes for your being a very lonely person in the end.  And it doesn’t matter how ‘cool with it’ you think your friend or partner is.

At some point you are showing them where you have placed them in your life, on a ladder of priority.  If your family sits down the ladder at 100th or even  50th place on that priority scale, way behind work, stress, bills, mortgage, networking associates and leads, then how can you argue that you work so hard to provide for them and make them happy?

Happiness is not measured by the amount in your bank account or the amount of possessions and assets you own.  You can still be happy when you have nothing.  But when you have no-one, ‘Happy’ gets significantly more difficult.

Mostly, what your real family and friends desire to have is your attention, your company and your presence, both physical and emotional.  Sometimes we must stop thinking about ourselves being ATMs and Workhorses enough to understand the more important things in life.

It doesn’t take much time to send a text, email, message, to make a phone call even.  You may think that you have zero time. But you always have time because simply put, what could possibly be more important?  What is your life without them?  If you are really struggling to keep up with relationship maintenance schedule it. Schedule it like you do your lunch, or a meeting.  Put it in the calendar : 6-7pm cuddles with kids, 3-4pm returning social messages, 130-2pm phone call to mum 8-10pm No screen time (turn off phones, Ipads etc and spend time with the people around you).  Treat it like any other work task of the day, because it is just as important.

Balancing career, family, friends and personal development isn’t an easy thing to do.  But it’s not impossible if you believe in the importance of it.  Remember that if you dedicate all your time to success & riches, you might end up there…alone.  Just a little effort here and there will definitely go along way with you loved ones, and ensure they still feel loved 🙂

 

 

 

Honesty is such a lonely word

When I was younger, straight out of high school, I had many friends.  I had just moved to Sydney and lived in the mid-city madness of a highly social and fast paced world.  The city oozed with life and excitement and I loved every minute of it.  Naturally, as a singer, I found place in amongst the music scene, the live and touring musicians, the creatives and the night clubs, the high fashion and pop culture.

It is easy making friends as a performer.  It’s part of your job.  You learn very quickly how to socialise in every situation and setting, how to dress appropriately, how to behave, and how to ‘schmooze’.  When you’ve had a great gig and your band is killing it, sometimes you step off stage to find that everybody wants to be your friend.  Now I’m using the ‘friend’ word very loosely because I think that being ‘friends’ with someone runs much deeper than a few ‘hi’s’ and ‘how are yous’.

Most of the people in today’s world thrive on popularity.  They feel validated by the amount of likes and follows on their social media pages and need to feel likeable and have a lot of friends to be happy and successful.  And I was this.  The social butterfly, super friendly, always rolling with the in-crowd.  There was years and years of somewhat shallow social interactions and I was satisfied, if not, comfortable with it.

Today I’m a very different person.  Don’t get me wrong, I still know how to hold myself in the social game and I play a good hand, but I also see it for what it is.  One day I stopped pretending to like everybody and everything and I put away my ever-so scripted conversational habits and started to practise Honesty.

Slowly and surely my life began to change and I became a surer and more defined version of myself.  And a whole lot lonelier.  You see I believe that the more friends you have, the less quality they are, generally speaking. It’s that quality over quantity game that I’m playing now and when I’m winning, I have meaningful and honest friendships and relationships with the people around me.

When you have honest relationships you don’t need to keep up an image or idea of yourself.  There is less ego and more vulnerability.  You also don’t need to censor words and actions.  And the best thing is that you allow people the opportunity to get to know the real you and decided whether they accept or not.  You leave the door open for those who aren’t compatible to leave, and those who are to stay and understand.

Nothing worth doing is easy, so I’m not going to tell you that practising honesty is.  It starts with being honest to yourself.  Which can be extremely challenging.  To separate our feelings and set aside pride and ego and let the facade fall away.  Sometimes we don’t like what we find under there; insecurity, contradiction, imperfection and fear.  Some people have lived behind an idea of themselves for so long that they don’t even know who they really are, what they actually like, where they want to be.  It’s a scary stage of self discovery but it is necessary regardless.  And sometimes on this journey, we discover we have made bad choices, and wasted a lot of time.  Imagine working your ass of to climb the ladder of a certain career path, getting to the top and realising ‘oh shit! I actually don’t like this job at all’.  It happens.  More than you think.

These days society almost encourages us to turn off our inner voices and blindly follow the crowd, and be part of whats trending.  It’s great for marketing and business, but not so great for humanity.  Honesty doesn’t necessarily keep you ahead in the game, in fact it is often met with distaste.  Most people don’t want to want to hear the truth.  They may think they do, but when it comes down to it, they only want truth that benefits them.

So when I say what I mean and I mean what I say, it can be confronting, well for those who do not practise honesty that is.  I found that once I committed to always speaking the truth and sharing my real feelings, I lost a lot of so called friends.  Most people don’t want to hear about your horrible day when they ask ‘how are you’ nor do they want to know about your life problems or hear you whine or help you work through issues. Most.  Real friends do. And this is what I mean when I say quality over quantity, having honest relationships requires time.  And not all of us have ample amounts of time left after family and work chews in.  So we must choose our friendships wisely.  And accept the fact that some people aren’t ready to have honest relationships and may want to run in the opposite direction.  What you do gain, after the filtering is a close group of friends who have care, consideration and are actually interested in being apart of your life.

It’s very sad to see the lack of truth represented in today’s world.  With fake news at it’s peak and the distance that social media and technology ironically widens between people, its no wonder some of us feel lonely in the most crowded places.  But we must rise above and stop to listen to our own truths and seek out truth in others and try our best to practise honesty.  Go with that gut feeling, go against the crowd if that is how you feel and be honest about your opinions.  There are people out there that will share similar opinions and that will understand you.  But first you need to give them a chance to get to know who you really are.

Everyday I wake up and choose to live my truth and it has been a difficult and continues to be a challenging task.  Being a parent and setting a good example for my children has being one major reason to keep me on this path.  I have reached the point where I’m mostly content with myself and the people around me.  But I do need to constantly stop and have a good think about how I really feel about certain things that come up each day so as to stop reverting back to a scripted life of blindly following the crowd and people pleasing.  I’m sure a lot of people are on the same journey of self discover.  If you are constantly trying to separate the real from the fake in your head space and life please comment with any tips, because anything that might make the process easier is worth a try.

The end goal is to be truly happy, whilst being happily true.

 

If you like my work and want to support me, you can do so on Patreon by clicking below. Thanks for reading…till next time 🙂

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Fr-Enemies (part 1)

barbies

I arrived at your birthday dinner, a celebration of your success and achievements of the year.  I sit down at the table, and there they are.  5 of them.  In our conversations, I’ve heard you talk about how they have stabbed you in the back.  How one of them slept with your boyfriend and how much you dislike being around them.  Yet there they are, seated at your dinner table, sporting their best outfits and smiles.  I wonder ‘why are they here?, why did you invite them?’ I know you don’t like them, you know you don’t like them, the vibe is awkward as fuck for me, and probably you too.  And then it dawns on me.  Could I be one of them too?  Are we actually friends or am I a ‘frenemy’?

Keep your enemies closer they say….But why would I do that?  To guard the every move or word like a paranoid lunatic, so that I can quickly diffuse or damage control every interaction that may have a negative affect to my image or life? Sounds exhausting!  So that I can collect more evidence of why that frenemy should not be part of my life? Is that not harbouring negativity for myself?

How do you feel about me?  How do I know that you genuinely like me if I see your enemies receiving the same treatment?  How do I trust your words, your actions?  What could you be saying behind my back?  I mean, I’m here too, amongst your so called ‘friends’. Am I the only one who feels the underlying tension?

Why do you keep them (us) around?  Are you lonely? Are you so scared of being alone and unpopular that anyone will do? ‘Any relationship, any friendship is better than none.’ Do you believe that?

Is it strategic?  Are you playing some kind of sick revenge game like we see on those soap opera tv shows?  Are you secretly planning a take down?  Are you keeping them around because you feel you have to?  Do they hold dirt on you that you believe they would use against you, were you not friends anymore?

Are you trying to be the ‘better’ person?  A better Christian or whatever? and forgive and forget or fake it till you make it, in hopes that everyone might see what a good and understanding and mature person you are?

Do you feel pity? Are you feeling sorry for your frenemy, that they may not have other people in their life that would fill the void of you not being there? Maybe you don’t know how to break up or end a friendship in an adult and mature manner.

Whatever it is, I pity your insecurity and lack of emotional intelligence.  I will not talk so loud however, because I know what some of that stuff feels like.  I too have had frenemies.  I know too well how to smile when I have to, and say the right things.  I know too well the uneasy feeling of poison in my circle of friends.

And then one day, somebody asked me the above questions.  And when I responded truthfully after some self-reflection, I saw how ridiculous I was being and how much energy I was expelling trying to keep up with lies and schemes.  And one by one I debunked my hang ups.  I decided that I would not be afraid of being alone if I liked the person that I was.  I decided that I wasn’t going to settle for quantity over quality with my friendships and that popularity was a concept for high school and business.  I decided I wanted more for myself, and that I would give my energy to those around me  that I trust and those who genuinely wanted to see me happy and successful, those I could rely on. One of the best decisions I ever made for myself.

Maybe one day you will find that place too.  Because really, who wants frenemies when you could just have friends?

 

 

Sorry Not Sorry

isulted

There is something that rubs me the wrong way about people who cannot, don’t or won’t say “Sorry”.  I have come across a few people in my life who, even when they know that they are undoubtedly at fault, cannot succumb to the ‘S’ word, as it if would crumble their very being.  For me it’s pretty simple.  If you have done something wrong, or that has impacted someone negatively: you say sorry, you feel sorry.  It shows you care enough about that person’s well-being and that you admit that you are feeling guilt.

Guilt Vs Shame

I did some research on people who can’t apologise and what I found was that it usually comes down to one major point: People cannot apologise because instead of guilt, they feel shame.  There is a big difference between the emotions of guilt and shame.  Guilt is being upset and caring about affecting others in a negative way.  Shame on the other hand, is feeling bad about yourself and attacks your ego and self-esteem.  So guilt is directed towards others, and shame is toward yourself.  These ‘non-apologists’ find it difficult to separate the two.

Shame on your ego

Let’s talk about ego.  The definition of ego is ‘a persons sense of self-esteem or self importance’  Ego is the mental image that we  have of ourselves. It is our very sense of identity.  And when we feel shame we pull down our ego/self-worth a notch.  For some people that is too much.  Usually those people have a fragile ego, are insecure and already have a low sense of self-worth, which they are trying to hide from the rest of the world.  They have created an ego/persona so far from the person they really are.  When we apologise and feel guilt we acknowledge that we have hurt another person.  When we apologise and feel shame, we decide that we are bad people.

We apologise in hopes to find resolution and to repair damage, but those who cannot, think that apologies will lead to further accusations and criticism.  The fear of this, and letting everyone know how fragile, or what a fraud they really are, cause a block in the ability to say the word ‘sorry’. The thing is, everybody makes mistakes and being sorry about something does not make you globally a bad person.  Most of the time it comes down to a lapse of judgement.

When sorry isn’t sorry

Another thing that non-apologists do is to say sorry in a round about way that doesnt actually mean sorry.

Some common non-apologies are listed below:

“I’m sorry for the way this all turned out”
This means I’m sorry about the overall outcome but I don’t necessarily acknowledge my fault in this matter.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the person that you wanted me to be”
This is a blatant shift of blame meaning “It’s your own fault for having too high an expectation of me.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way”
This means “You should feel different about this, it’s your own fault for choosing to be upset, angry, hurt, disappointed…etc.”

My response to all of the above is usually a “You can just fuck off now!” or something inspired by this phrase.  Don’t be fooled into accepting an apology that isn’t one.

The pretend it didn’t happen tactic:

Some people don’t apologise, go MIA for a little while ad then come back pretending like it didn’t happen.  And then go further to blame you for not getting over it, moving forward or living in the past.
-“Cant we just get past this?
-“No. Not really. Not until you apologise.”

The sarcastic “S” word:

“Fine, Sorry!”, “If thats what you need to hear”  Apologising is about the words, the tone and the feeling of guilt.  A sarcastic sorry snaps out an accusation not an apology.  The non-apologist is dismissive and accuses the other person of being petty and demanding.

The baby talk “Sorry”:

“Awww, I’m shawy” with puppy dog eyes.  Ugh this is shallow, condescending and manipulative.  Feel free to show your “Shawy” up your ass.

The Suck up:

Said non-apologists may start being super nice to you but still won’t say ‘sorry’, in hopes that you will see their good deeds as an apology and forget all about it.

sorryquote

A Genuine Apology

When you say sorry

  • Understand why you are saying sorry.
  • Explain to the person why you are saying sorry so they know that you understand what you did wrong.
  • Say the words “I’m Sorry”.
  • Offer a reason, not an excuse for your behavior, or explain that you don’t have one.
  • Feel guilty, never angry.
  • Take steps to change or repair the damage.
  • Learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them.

Somehow, ‘Sorry’ became harder to say than ‘I love you’ or ‘I need you’, based on its ties to feeling shame and damaging one’s ego.  When you can sever these ties and apologise and still survive, you become free and empowered.  You become a better person for being able to care for others.

Feel free to comment about your experience with people who cannot apologise and What makes a great apology?

Disappointment

 

Disappointment is one of the hardest emotions to deal with.  I can get over anger and frustration, but disappointment, that’s a killer.  My expectations of others, to me, don’t seem to be overly high.  Basically put, I expect the same respect, loyalty and honesty that I put out into the world, back.

It is emotionally shattering when someone that you care about falls short of your expectations of even the smallest things.  My heart wants to forget and move on, but my head says that I’m just setting myself up for more heartache down the track.

I’ve always been taught to see the good in others, but when it comes to blindly ignoring a persons actions to preserve your own idea of who and how that person really is, it becomes an issue of of lying to myself and choosing to be naive. Good relationships are built on trust and when there is a moral difference between you and a person, whether it be your partner, mother, father, brother, aunt or close friend, you start to wonder whether you can co-exist with that person.

Sometimes it can be that you haven’t  communicated your expectation of that person to them, and therefore, they cannot live up to those expectations without knowing what those expectations are.

But do I really have to spell this out for you? Do I really need to tell you what it is to be a decent human being?

The answer is yes.  In a world where there are so many different personality types, and people have different histories and up-bringing, it is only logical that they would have different moral codes and standards.

A really good example is tardiness.  Some people have no problem with making people wait for them. ‘It’s only 15 mins, 30 mins, an hour…’  And yet others (including myself) harbour guilt and anxiety when they are late and have not properly respected others’ time – Comes down to how you value your time really, doesn’t it?

So YES, vocalize your expectations, and when that person actively chooses to fall short, then you can right-fully hold them accountable.

So what happens when they do fall short?

You ask yourself, can you live with it? Can you honestly lower your expectation and accept that this person doesn’t have the capacity to fit into your idea of them? Will you accept a compromised version?  Will you settle for less? It’s a tough decision, but if the answer is no, then you must try to distance yourself.  Because if you don’t you will start a very quick path to building resentment for that person.

Maybe not forever.

One day you might see that this person has genuinely evolved and changed, and there ‘new’ being is someone you might want to accept into your life again.  People do change after all.  This is the best outcome you can hope for in the future.

But how do you let go?

I’m still trying to figure this one out myself.  But I tell you, it’s not without some tears and heartache.  Remember that you are choosing to let go an idea that you created of someone, and choosing to see them, in reality, for the person that they actually are.  What is the point of having a friend, if they are a shit friend?  What is the point of trusting someone, when they do not value that trust?  There is no point.  Often we hold on to people because we fear being alone.  But I would rather be alone than be surrounded by toxic people.

Once again, Actively rejecting people and certain personality traits will send a great message to the universe that you want something/someone better.  And the ‘better’ will come eventually. We must let go of the bad ,so that we have time in our lives for good people.  It is far from easy, but the concept makes perfect sense.

Also remember that distancing yourself doesn’t need to be mean or spiteful.  It could just mean interacting on a shallower and impersonal level.  People can only emotionally mess with you if you give them the power to.

This is NOT about YOU.

Another important point is:  Whether or not someone lives up to your expectation, is not a reflection of your worthiness.  Wait, I will say that again:  If someone falls short of your expectation of them, it is not because they thought that you were not worth the effort.  This is about THEM not YOU.  Self blame is a dark, dark road.

Practise Gratitude.

Finally, if you have people that are in you life that are ace-ing the relationship and friendship game, hold on to them tight and be grateful.  Today I’m grateful for David, my kids, mother and our strong family unit, which sets the bar on my expectation of the kind of relationships and interactions I want to be having with others.  To my friends and the few people who are actively putting in the effort to be a positive force in my life, Thank you.  You know who you are. Never go away.

RoxySIGNoff

Love Yourself?

helpsomeone

 

There’s this really old idea that ‘Nobody can love you, if you don’t love yourself”.

People who promote this idea are often doing it out of good intention. I have even found myself giving this advice in the past.  But loving yourself is difficult and at times  feels almost impossible for some people.

Let’s look at it a little differently.. If you were never taught how to love, how would you know?

Some of us have grown up in less fortunate environments which have instilled deep seeded issues around love, trust, self-worth and acceptance.  In all races, cultures and class of family, there can be a lack of emotional intelligence, communication and love.  If your parents weren’t affectionate towards each other or you, then how do you learn to be affectionate toward others?  If your family doesn’t value you as a person, how do you learn to value yourself and others?

The answer is from other people.  Those people who have seen the ‘broken you’ and can accept and love you regardless.  Those people that take the time to listen to your negative train of thoughts and put in the effort to derail those ideas.  Unconditional love and acceptance heals the deepest issues over time.

Sometimes I look at you and think, ‘why can’t you see how amazing you are?’

It is difficult to love someone that doesn’t love (or even like) themselves.  You are always fighting the demon that attacks their self worth.  There is always a reason why they shouldn’t feel good about themselves or why they don’t deserve something.  The emotional road blocks are high and at times, the person gets angry at you for not agreeing with them.  These people are always collecting evidence as to why they are not good enough.  They are almost comfortable in a state of self-loathing, but then they hate that they are this way at the same time. Depression is a demon that can take over your entire life and dim it into darkness.

To be helpful we must understand and accept that, just because you tell someone to feel better, it doesn’t mean that they will (whether they want to or not).  And just because you tell someone to ‘get over it’, doesn’t mean that they can.  All you can really do is be patient and try to de-bunk all the emotional negative ideas with positive  and logical ones.

If you are the person dealing with self-worth and self-love issues, forget about the idea that no one can love you if you can’t love yourself.  There are people who love you for the person that you are.  There are people that see the good in you where you can only see the bad.  There are people who actually want to be around you.  And there are people that see your value to them and the world.  Surround yourself with those people and Accept it.  You don’t need to love yourself just yet, but ACCEPT yourself, no matter how broken or how much of a mess you think you are.

‘This is me. I’m broken, I have issues. I accept that this is who I am’

It is through acceptance of ourselves that we learn to accept other’s love and positive energy.  Accepting that you are broken opens the door for others to help pick up the pieces.  And if you cannot focus on the good in yourself. focus on the good in other people.  Law of attraction says focusing on the good will attract the good.  And in time, you will learn to love yourself, bit by bit.

Please feel free to comment if you can relate. I would love to hear your thoughts.

And don’t forget to subscribe or follow to get notified of new blogs from The Alternative.

 

RoxySIGNoff

Make the Move

I’m hearing the same dialogue all around me and I just wanted to address each statement separately.  I’m going to start by reminding everyone that we were not put on this earth to work hard to pay bills.  The majority of us spend 90% of our time doing stuff we don’t like or could give 2 f@#ks about.  But damn do we have time to complain… We have hours on hours to tell each other how unhappy or ridiculously busy or broke we are.  We have hours to take on and indulge in other peoples business and drama but when it comes to changing and bettering our situation its “I’m stuck, I’m unhappy, My relationship is failing, Myself business is a mess, I have no time for me, I hate my job, I don’t have a choice, It’s just the way it is.”  My responses are below:

“I’m stuck”

We are only held captive by our ideas and thoughts.  Change your thinking, change your situation.  There is always a different way to look at things you must be willing to be open minded.

“I’m unhappy”

People believe that happiness is a destination…. “I’ll be happy when this happens or when I get this or there”. Why can’t we aim to be happy along the way?  Be happy in the now and if you are not, start making small changes to everyday to inject doses of joy.  Happiness is a personal thing.  It is about giving to yourself time, moments, memories, freedoms and feelings. Because what if we never get to that destination happy? Are we doomed to spend a life of misery then die?  I’m sure it wasn’t intended that way.

“My relationship is failing”

Ask yourself why it’s failing?  There a few things that deteriorate a relationship: lack of support, lack of trust, lack of loyalty, lack of honesty, lack of communication, lack of consideration and acknowledgement.  Notice I did not mention love.  You can love someone to bits but it won’t solely hold a relationship together.  When you neglect your relationship – just like any other parts of your life…it starts to slip away.  A good place to start to fix things is to communicate with your partner and admit to the neglect,  and willingness to put energy into repair.  Happiness starts at home.

“My business is a mess”

No business starts out as a mess but plenty end there. Just like a relationship, it’s neglect that will make a business deteriorate.  Business owners fall into the trap of putting all their energy in the things that generate income right now and forget to maintain the things that will ensure the longevity of the business.  The organisation and planning and research aspect of a business should never cease.  Maintain a clean and organised back-end, and implement an accurate reporting tool so that you can make better decisions about the direction that your business is going.  Keep up to date with your market and be willing to be flexible so that you can evolve and adapt appropriately. Also, love what you do.

“I have no time for me”

You are the ruler of your time. You are the ruler of your time. You are the ruler of your time…  If you don’t have time for you then you are giving too much time out.  Usually its going out to your job, other people, and making money.  Just like you allocate time for your job, allocate time for you. Put it in your calendar like an appointment.  If your job or life doesn’t allow it, change your job or life — it’s NOT acceptable to have no time for yourself.

“I hate my job”

Leave.  If you hate your job you are probably a bad worker anyway.  Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and skills and talents.  Find yours and find a job that uses them, and if you can’t find one, create one.

“I don’t have a choice”

You always have a choice.  The options may not be great but they are always there.  Choose and follow through.  Pick a side, don’t fence sit.  And back yourself – how do you expect others to if you don’t?

“Its just the way it is here”

This is the biggest cop out I ever hear.  Its you saying, I’m unwilling to change and I accept my unhappiness because I’m lazy or scared.  No one is ever “ready” to do anything.

MAKE A MOVE. EVEN A SMALL ONE….IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION…ACROSS THE GLOBE IF THATS WHERE YOUR HEART LEADS YOU.  Nothing changes whilst you stay in the same spot physically and mentally and emotionally, so try something new.

This year I moved my family (me, my husband, our to kids and my mother) to Mauritius.  It was a tough move, but I put the idea in my head that I could work from anywhere in the world.  And now I’m proving myself right.  Current situation:

 

If you need some advice and want to talk about how to change your situation, get in contact with me…