But what will they say…

When I stopped worrying about what other people would think about me, my opportunities quadrupled and my income tripled.

It’s so amazing how we so willingly accept other people’s opinion and judgement as our truths.

Nobody knows you more than YOU.
Nobody gets to decide your intention when doing something but YOU.
Nobody lives through your story and decisions more than YOU.

But it’s easy to surrender responsibility to others.

I get it. That was me. Always asking advice from my friends (even on the smallest things), Always hesitating do put myself out there because: What would people think? What would people say? How will this decision be perceived?

Always needing someone to validate my actions. TO VALIDATE ME.

What I didn’t realise for a long time is that I allowed others to control and design MY LIFE because of this. People form opinions based on their personal experiences and HISTORY. And everyone’s story and experiences are unique even though some may seem the same.

Which means that yes, you can learn from other people’s mistakes, but the outcome that someone gets from doing something might not be the same as the outcome that you might get from doing the EXACT same thing. There are too many external factors that make up peoples experiences, successes, failures and opinions. And sometimes the WIN you might get it is worth the RISK.

So should you listen to what others SAY? yes, but not everyone…
Should it override how you FEEL about something? Nope.

The best way is to TRY and form your OWN opinions. And WIN, or LEARN…

If I had listened to the people around me or cared what they would think:

I would have not moved to Sydney when I finished school.
I would not have auditioned for Australian Idol back in the day.
I would have not created The Starlettes, The Boutique, The Alternative.
I would have not been an Artist (they told me that I should only be a writer)
I would have given up on RNB.
I would have given up on singing and writing my own songs a long time ago to “get a real job”.
I would not have moved to Mauritius.
I would not have moved to Perth.
I would not be running my own business,
I would not be earning income from living my truth and spreading my message today.

My biggest successes have come from making decisions WITHOUT caring about others opinions.

Because nobody knows my truth like I do.
And finding space to listen to my intuition and backing myself wholeheartedly has made the world of difference to my life.

I AM WHO I WANT TO BE ALL THE TIME NOW.
And with that CERTAINTY and CONFIDENCE comes OPPORTUNITY and SUCCESS.

And I’m here to EMPOWER others to do the same… However it looks like for them.

Let me know if you are READY 👇

I’m done with hiding

HERE’S THE THING. I’M DONE WITH HIDING.

People still say to me – “It wouldn’t kill you to put a little makeup on or brush your hair before you do your videos, Roxy.”

And you know what — it might. It might kill that beautiful idea that my peeps all currently have of me that I’m super proud of: I am authentically, and unapolegitically me. 👊

And when I dont want to dress up for you, I wont.
Because I dont need to hide behind smoke and mirrors to share my message.

And if you are going to reject what I have to say about life, because I didn’t pluck my eyebrows or put on some lipstick then “bye felicia…” my message isn’t for you.👋

I share when I feel like I have something to say and when I have value to give back to my community. And sometimes there’s no time to worry about what it looks like and what people will say about me.

I don’t need to do myself up to feel beautiful and confident. I made that happen from the inside.
I got over myself. Because what I do and how I serve others is ultimately NOT ABOUT ME.

In my life I have learnt from all different kinds of people, from all walks of life, of various cultures and backgrounds, of every age group. I have learnt to listen past the bullshit aesthetic stuff. You know that saying ‘Dont judge a book by its cover….’ Yeh that shit…💯

Because if you limit yourself to only listening to people who look/sound right. Then you are putting a massive cap on your learning.

Everyone has a lesson to teach if you are willing to listen hard enough… And sometimes the best lessons are taught in the most unorthodox ways, by the most unexpected people. ✨

Fr-Enemies (part 1)

barbies

I arrived at your birthday dinner, a celebration of your success and achievements of the year.  I sit down at the table, and there they are.  5 of them.  In our conversations, I’ve heard you talk about how they have stabbed you in the back.  How one of them slept with your boyfriend and how much you dislike being around them.  Yet there they are, seated at your dinner table, sporting their best outfits and smiles.  I wonder ‘why are they here?, why did you invite them?’ I know you don’t like them, you know you don’t like them, the vibe is awkward as fuck for me, and probably you too.  And then it dawns on me.  Could I be one of them too?  Are we actually friends or am I a ‘frenemy’?

Keep your enemies closer they say….But why would I do that?  To guard the every move or word like a paranoid lunatic, so that I can quickly diffuse or damage control every interaction that may have a negative affect to my image or life? Sounds exhausting!  So that I can collect more evidence of why that frenemy should not be part of my life? Is that not harbouring negativity for myself?

How do you feel about me?  How do I know that you genuinely like me if I see your enemies receiving the same treatment?  How do I trust your words, your actions?  What could you be saying behind my back?  I mean, I’m here too, amongst your so called ‘friends’. Am I the only one who feels the underlying tension?

Why do you keep them (us) around?  Are you lonely? Are you so scared of being alone and unpopular that anyone will do? ‘Any relationship, any friendship is better than none.’ Do you believe that?

Is it strategic?  Are you playing some kind of sick revenge game like we see on those soap opera tv shows?  Are you secretly planning a take down?  Are you keeping them around because you feel you have to?  Do they hold dirt on you that you believe they would use against you, were you not friends anymore?

Are you trying to be the ‘better’ person?  A better Christian or whatever? and forgive and forget or fake it till you make it, in hopes that everyone might see what a good and understanding and mature person you are?

Do you feel pity? Are you feeling sorry for your frenemy, that they may not have other people in their life that would fill the void of you not being there? Maybe you don’t know how to break up or end a friendship in an adult and mature manner.

Whatever it is, I pity your insecurity and lack of emotional intelligence.  I will not talk so loud however, because I know what some of that stuff feels like.  I too have had frenemies.  I know too well how to smile when I have to, and say the right things.  I know too well the uneasy feeling of poison in my circle of friends.

And then one day, somebody asked me the above questions.  And when I responded truthfully after some self-reflection, I saw how ridiculous I was being and how much energy I was expelling trying to keep up with lies and schemes.  And one by one I debunked my hang ups.  I decided that I would not be afraid of being alone if I liked the person that I was.  I decided that I wasn’t going to settle for quantity over quality with my friendships and that popularity was a concept for high school and business.  I decided I wanted more for myself, and that I would give my energy to those around me  that I trust and those who genuinely wanted to see me happy and successful, those I could rely on. One of the best decisions I ever made for myself.

Maybe one day you will find that place too.  Because really, who wants frenemies when you could just have friends?

 

 

Sorry Not Sorry

isulted

There is something that rubs me the wrong way about people who cannot, don’t or won’t say “Sorry”.  I have come across a few people in my life who, even when they know that they are undoubtedly at fault, cannot succumb to the ‘S’ word, as it if would crumble their very being.  For me it’s pretty simple.  If you have done something wrong, or that has impacted someone negatively: you say sorry, you feel sorry.  It shows you care enough about that person’s well-being and that you admit that you are feeling guilt.

Guilt Vs Shame

I did some research on people who can’t apologise and what I found was that it usually comes down to one major point: People cannot apologise because instead of guilt, they feel shame.  There is a big difference between the emotions of guilt and shame.  Guilt is being upset and caring about affecting others in a negative way.  Shame on the other hand, is feeling bad about yourself and attacks your ego and self-esteem.  So guilt is directed towards others, and shame is toward yourself.  These ‘non-apologists’ find it difficult to separate the two.

Shame on your ego

Let’s talk about ego.  The definition of ego is ‘a persons sense of self-esteem or self importance’  Ego is the mental image that we  have of ourselves. It is our very sense of identity.  And when we feel shame we pull down our ego/self-worth a notch.  For some people that is too much.  Usually those people have a fragile ego, are insecure and already have a low sense of self-worth, which they are trying to hide from the rest of the world.  They have created an ego/persona so far from the person they really are.  When we apologise and feel guilt we acknowledge that we have hurt another person.  When we apologise and feel shame, we decide that we are bad people.

We apologise in hopes to find resolution and to repair damage, but those who cannot, think that apologies will lead to further accusations and criticism.  The fear of this, and letting everyone know how fragile, or what a fraud they really are, cause a block in the ability to say the word ‘sorry’. The thing is, everybody makes mistakes and being sorry about something does not make you globally a bad person.  Most of the time it comes down to a lapse of judgement.

When sorry isn’t sorry

Another thing that non-apologists do is to say sorry in a round about way that doesnt actually mean sorry.

Some common non-apologies are listed below:

“I’m sorry for the way this all turned out”
This means I’m sorry about the overall outcome but I don’t necessarily acknowledge my fault in this matter.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the person that you wanted me to be”
This is a blatant shift of blame meaning “It’s your own fault for having too high an expectation of me.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way”
This means “You should feel different about this, it’s your own fault for choosing to be upset, angry, hurt, disappointed…etc.”

My response to all of the above is usually a “You can just fuck off now!” or something inspired by this phrase.  Don’t be fooled into accepting an apology that isn’t one.

The pretend it didn’t happen tactic:

Some people don’t apologise, go MIA for a little while ad then come back pretending like it didn’t happen.  And then go further to blame you for not getting over it, moving forward or living in the past.
-“Cant we just get past this?
-“No. Not really. Not until you apologise.”

The sarcastic “S” word:

“Fine, Sorry!”, “If thats what you need to hear”  Apologising is about the words, the tone and the feeling of guilt.  A sarcastic sorry snaps out an accusation not an apology.  The non-apologist is dismissive and accuses the other person of being petty and demanding.

The baby talk “Sorry”:

“Awww, I’m shawy” with puppy dog eyes.  Ugh this is shallow, condescending and manipulative.  Feel free to show your “Shawy” up your ass.

The Suck up:

Said non-apologists may start being super nice to you but still won’t say ‘sorry’, in hopes that you will see their good deeds as an apology and forget all about it.

sorryquote

A Genuine Apology

When you say sorry

  • Understand why you are saying sorry.
  • Explain to the person why you are saying sorry so they know that you understand what you did wrong.
  • Say the words “I’m Sorry”.
  • Offer a reason, not an excuse for your behavior, or explain that you don’t have one.
  • Feel guilty, never angry.
  • Take steps to change or repair the damage.
  • Learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them.

Somehow, ‘Sorry’ became harder to say than ‘I love you’ or ‘I need you’, based on its ties to feeling shame and damaging one’s ego.  When you can sever these ties and apologise and still survive, you become free and empowered.  You become a better person for being able to care for others.

Feel free to comment about your experience with people who cannot apologise and What makes a great apology?

Disappointment

 

Disappointment is one of the hardest emotions to deal with.  I can get over anger and frustration, but disappointment, that’s a killer.  My expectations of others, to me, don’t seem to be overly high.  Basically put, I expect the same respect, loyalty and honesty that I put out into the world, back.

It is emotionally shattering when someone that you care about falls short of your expectations of even the smallest things.  My heart wants to forget and move on, but my head says that I’m just setting myself up for more heartache down the track.

I’ve always been taught to see the good in others, but when it comes to blindly ignoring a persons actions to preserve your own idea of who and how that person really is, it becomes an issue of of lying to myself and choosing to be naive. Good relationships are built on trust and when there is a moral difference between you and a person, whether it be your partner, mother, father, brother, aunt or close friend, you start to wonder whether you can co-exist with that person.

Sometimes it can be that you haven’t  communicated your expectation of that person to them, and therefore, they cannot live up to those expectations without knowing what those expectations are.

But do I really have to spell this out for you? Do I really need to tell you what it is to be a decent human being?

The answer is yes.  In a world where there are so many different personality types, and people have different histories and up-bringing, it is only logical that they would have different moral codes and standards.

A really good example is tardiness.  Some people have no problem with making people wait for them. ‘It’s only 15 mins, 30 mins, an hour…’  And yet others (including myself) harbour guilt and anxiety when they are late and have not properly respected others’ time – Comes down to how you value your time really, doesn’t it?

So YES, vocalize your expectations, and when that person actively chooses to fall short, then you can right-fully hold them accountable.

So what happens when they do fall short?

You ask yourself, can you live with it? Can you honestly lower your expectation and accept that this person doesn’t have the capacity to fit into your idea of them? Will you accept a compromised version?  Will you settle for less? It’s a tough decision, but if the answer is no, then you must try to distance yourself.  Because if you don’t you will start a very quick path to building resentment for that person.

Maybe not forever.

One day you might see that this person has genuinely evolved and changed, and there ‘new’ being is someone you might want to accept into your life again.  People do change after all.  This is the best outcome you can hope for in the future.

But how do you let go?

I’m still trying to figure this one out myself.  But I tell you, it’s not without some tears and heartache.  Remember that you are choosing to let go an idea that you created of someone, and choosing to see them, in reality, for the person that they actually are.  What is the point of having a friend, if they are a shit friend?  What is the point of trusting someone, when they do not value that trust?  There is no point.  Often we hold on to people because we fear being alone.  But I would rather be alone than be surrounded by toxic people.

Once again, Actively rejecting people and certain personality traits will send a great message to the universe that you want something/someone better.  And the ‘better’ will come eventually. We must let go of the bad ,so that we have time in our lives for good people.  It is far from easy, but the concept makes perfect sense.

Also remember that distancing yourself doesn’t need to be mean or spiteful.  It could just mean interacting on a shallower and impersonal level.  People can only emotionally mess with you if you give them the power to.

This is NOT about YOU.

Another important point is:  Whether or not someone lives up to your expectation, is not a reflection of your worthiness.  Wait, I will say that again:  If someone falls short of your expectation of them, it is not because they thought that you were not worth the effort.  This is about THEM not YOU.  Self blame is a dark, dark road.

Practise Gratitude.

Finally, if you have people that are in you life that are ace-ing the relationship and friendship game, hold on to them tight and be grateful.  Today I’m grateful for David, my kids, mother and our strong family unit, which sets the bar on my expectation of the kind of relationships and interactions I want to be having with others.  To my friends and the few people who are actively putting in the effort to be a positive force in my life, Thank you.  You know who you are. Never go away.

RoxySIGNoff

Opportunity Knocks…But are you even home?

There’s always a way to turn your life around.  We are always only one decision away from changing our lives.

Sometimes we find ourselves in a rut.  And the world doesn’t favour our best interests. World best seller book ‘The Secret’ tells us that we can manifest our destiny by thinking about how it would feel to have certain things.  So I spent hours with my head down concentrating on that mansion at the sea and a massive bank balance but alas! My millions haven’t arrived yet.

Then I thought, what am I actively doing to help my situation?  How much effort am I actually putting in to make things work?  To make my life better? When opportunity knocks, Am I ready and waiting to invite it in? Am I even home? Do I even hear that doorbell?

If you are too busy for change and for yourself, then you are basically telling the universe to come back later. We can’t just pray/ask for something good, and then when it arrives (even the smallest hint), ignore and put in on the ‘back-burner’.  If our heads are too far in the clouds (or deep in paperwork, spreadsheets, bills, stress),  we give up the ability to see the small steps to change and opportunity.

For example, If you want to quit your job and start working for yourself.  And then some one gives you an opportunity to jump in on a free online course about starting a small business, and you can’t do it because you have too much work to get done… You’ve pretty much shut the door on the very opportunity you asked for in the first place.  You’ve told the universe “umm…actually…no I really don’t want that”.

Commitment to your goals and committing your energy to something is what will make it grow.  So if you commit your energy to hating your job, that hate will grow too.  But if you commit your energy into finding a way to make money from something you love to do, opportunities will keep presenting themselves until you find the right one.  But you have to look to find and you have to be conscious about your goals.

If you don’t know where you are going, how are you going to get there?

The first step is to work out where you would like to be, and how you would like to feel.  And Write that shit down!.  List a few goals.  They do not need to be set in concrete, they will most certainly change and evolve as you do.

The next step is to do a bit of research.  On the net, in person, in books.  What are other people doing?  What’s available to me? Who do I know that can help?  What are my strengths and passions and how could they be turned into a project?  You can have a million ideas and it’s totally ok to research all of them.  Vocalise your goals to other people, tell everyone around you.  You’ll keep reminding yourself of where you are going and someone might know someone who may be able to help you in some way. Actively looking, researching, working on and talking about goals sends a message to the universe that you are serious about change.  It is committing your energy a 1000 times more than just thinking about it.

When the opportunities come, however small, make sure you are available to recognise them.  Make sure you are ready to take them on, make sure you have the ability to commit to the change you asked for.

Side note,  I’ve been chatting to some people to help them find purpose and work out what they are passionate about and how they can create more opportunities for themselves and start investing energy inward.  We bounce business ideas, share tips and work it all out together.  If you need some support with making a positive change.  Please feel free to get in contact with me.

Your comments are very welcome…

Happy Friday Everyone 🙂

 

RoxySIGNoff

Love Yourself?

helpsomeone

 

There’s this really old idea that ‘Nobody can love you, if you don’t love yourself”.

People who promote this idea are often doing it out of good intention. I have even found myself giving this advice in the past.  But loving yourself is difficult and at times  feels almost impossible for some people.

Let’s look at it a little differently.. If you were never taught how to love, how would you know?

Some of us have grown up in less fortunate environments which have instilled deep seeded issues around love, trust, self-worth and acceptance.  In all races, cultures and class of family, there can be a lack of emotional intelligence, communication and love.  If your parents weren’t affectionate towards each other or you, then how do you learn to be affectionate toward others?  If your family doesn’t value you as a person, how do you learn to value yourself and others?

The answer is from other people.  Those people who have seen the ‘broken you’ and can accept and love you regardless.  Those people that take the time to listen to your negative train of thoughts and put in the effort to derail those ideas.  Unconditional love and acceptance heals the deepest issues over time.

Sometimes I look at you and think, ‘why can’t you see how amazing you are?’

It is difficult to love someone that doesn’t love (or even like) themselves.  You are always fighting the demon that attacks their self worth.  There is always a reason why they shouldn’t feel good about themselves or why they don’t deserve something.  The emotional road blocks are high and at times, the person gets angry at you for not agreeing with them.  These people are always collecting evidence as to why they are not good enough.  They are almost comfortable in a state of self-loathing, but then they hate that they are this way at the same time. Depression is a demon that can take over your entire life and dim it into darkness.

To be helpful we must understand and accept that, just because you tell someone to feel better, it doesn’t mean that they will (whether they want to or not).  And just because you tell someone to ‘get over it’, doesn’t mean that they can.  All you can really do is be patient and try to de-bunk all the emotional negative ideas with positive  and logical ones.

If you are the person dealing with self-worth and self-love issues, forget about the idea that no one can love you if you can’t love yourself.  There are people who love you for the person that you are.  There are people that see the good in you where you can only see the bad.  There are people who actually want to be around you.  And there are people that see your value to them and the world.  Surround yourself with those people and Accept it.  You don’t need to love yourself just yet, but ACCEPT yourself, no matter how broken or how much of a mess you think you are.

‘This is me. I’m broken, I have issues. I accept that this is who I am’

It is through acceptance of ourselves that we learn to accept other’s love and positive energy.  Accepting that you are broken opens the door for others to help pick up the pieces.  And if you cannot focus on the good in yourself. focus on the good in other people.  Law of attraction says focusing on the good will attract the good.  And in time, you will learn to love yourself, bit by bit.

Please feel free to comment if you can relate. I would love to hear your thoughts.

And don’t forget to subscribe or follow to get notified of new blogs from The Alternative.

 

RoxySIGNoff

The Art Of ‘No’

I used to be the ultimate people pleaser and struggled so much with saying ‘no’.  Growing up in a huge family that was very close knit, we were raised with the idea that the right thing to do was to always help people and be compassionate, forgiving and always see the good in others.

Very hard blanket rules that we learn to adhere to without flexibility make for some serious issues down the line in our adult life.  At one point I absolutely dreaded saying ‘no’.  The word would come with a huge boulder of guilt that lay heavy on my shoulders.  As a result of this, I often found myself in awkward situations or helping people I didn’t want to ,or giving up time I didn’t have to others.

Saying ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’  is a terrible habit.  On every level.  It leads you away from your natural path of life and often can leave you feeling used, bitter and resentful.

For example: “Hey Roxy, can you please give me a lift to work?”  My thoughts : ‘Well actually, I have an appointment in 20 mins and you are going in the other direction so I don’t really have time for that cause I will be late.  Me out loud: “Yeh ok” accompanied with a smile.  Obviously my friend gets dropped off and I miss my appointment and my natural thought pattern goes to : ‘Fuck! why did she have to ask me…now I’ve missed my appointment because of her… grrr…’ – And there it is, Resentment. Underserved because I couldn’t say ‘no’.  This situation is entirely my fault.  What I should have said “Actually, I have an appointment in 20 mins, so I won’t be able to this time, sorry”.  Seems pretty simple right?  Well under a boulder of ‘no’ guilt, sometimes its impossible.

Scenario 2:

Cousin chops off my left foot (bear with me).  Said cousin asks me to go out for a coffee.  Me thinking: ‘No I don’t like you’. Me out loud “Yeh sure”.  The following experience is awkward and unpleasant and I pretend to be happy – yes people, now I’ve resorted to lying.  What should have happened:  Cousin “Hey you wanna go for coffee?” Me “No, not really”.  Cousin “Come on, why?”  Me “Bitch you cut off my left foot and I don’t like you!”…yes it’s a bit abrupt but at least its the truth.

So in the years of saying ‘yes’ instead of ‘no’, I became a contradiction.  I realised that I had made myself a dishonest and two-faced person.  These scary ‘no’s’ had turned me into an awful version of myself.  Surely this was much worse than turning down a few people.

And so one day I decided I was done with that.  That I would push through the guilt and be forward about how I felt about things.  It really made me feel like a grown up to be able to openly own my emotions like that and very quickly I fizzled out the ‘users’ that were constantly in my world.  I avoided putting myself in awkward situations, I felt no resentment and in communicating better, I started to create more meaningful relationships with the right people around me.

The hardest part is to separate your emotional reaction to a situation and look at it logically.  We must remember that emotions are subjective and logic is objective.  The same emotional reaction to a certain situation will not necessarily be shared by the individuals in that scenario. But the logical reality generally remains consistent.  

We all have a different catalogue of memories which we often call back to when navigating the world.  Take myself as an example, I went to an all-girl catholic private high school growing up.  We wore a bright red uniform everyday, red and white school dress, red pullover, red blazer and even red hair tie.  Today you would never catch me in anything red.  I can’t put it on me without feeling yuck.  Now, it’s not that it looks bad on me or its a bad colour, but it reminds me of sitting at school with no freedoms and being bored as fuck.  To anyone else, it’s just a colour and some people even love it (probably because of another type of emotional memory). But if I really had to wear red for a particular reason, I would deal with my hang up by understanding where the emotional reaction comes from, clarifying the difference between my memory catalogue and the current situation and debunking the negative block.  

It’s the same with saying ‘no’.  If we recognise the emotional reaction and put it aside, we can think about the logical reasoning for saying ‘no’ thus making it an acceptable response.  Communicating the reason why also reduces the chance for bad assumptions so that’s a good idea too.

The word ‘no’, although literally meaning ‘negative’, does not need to be judged  in that way.   Saying ‘no’ is just leaving us time and energy to say ‘yes’ somewhere else.   Sometimes you have to look after yourself before you can help others.  In an airplane safety video, you are asked to put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others fit theirs.  This is simply because If you are in a better position, you are better equipped to help others.  It’s not a selfish act if it’s a logical one.

So my big advice for today is to master the art of ‘no’.  Use it appropriately and take responsibility for your own opinions and feelings. Never say ‘maybe’ when you actually mean ‘no’.  It does not soften the blow.  We live in a world with way too much assumption, censoring and political correctness.  If the world started being more direct and honest with each other, we would speed up the process of finding the right kind of friends and developing better relationships; both personal and in business.  And the fakers of the world would be exposed very quickly.  Imagine a world of honest people.  It’s a big ask but small steps may one day lead us there.  In the meanwhile, master your ‘nos’ and own those feelings.  You will be a much better person for it.

Finally I’m really interested to know if anyone shares the ‘no’ guilt issue or has struggled with this in their life.   If so, what do you think were the factors  that contributed/s in conditioning you to feel this way, and how do/did you cope with it?

Feel free to leave comments (button near date at the top).

Also, don’t forget to hit the subscribe button to get notified of my new blogs, events and special offers.

Thanks for reading friends 🙂

Roxy Xx

 

 

What would you rather be doing?

10years

 

It’s been a productive week.  My eldest son, Chance started school (pre-primary), I had 2 wisdom teeth pulled out, snuck in 2 mid-week gigs, 1 Skype singing lesson and recorded a new song idea.  And so with Chance being kept busy 5 days a week 830-3pm, I’ve been given a whole lot of time back.  I actually feel rich!

You see, we should see our time and energy as we see our money – even more precious, as time and energy spent can never be returned to you.  Yet, so many people are willing to give up their precious time doing things they don’t enjoy for very small amounts of money or return.

Today I ask, What are you doing with your time and energy? and What would you rather be doing?  If you find the two answers are far from each other then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate.

Believe it or not, not all people dread the idea of going to work.  And I’m not just making reference to people who have exciting jobs and get paid a shitload of money.  There are some people who love their job waiting tables, or driving a delivery van or doing someone’s taxes.  And outside of this, there are some people who just haven’t found their ‘Happy’ yet.

The world is full of different and unique personalities and there is no standard one way road to happiness.  And frankly, that’s because ‘happiness’ means something different to each and every one of us.  So no, you don’t need to be rich to be happy, but you do need to be happy to feel enriched.

To my friends who plod along in life on auto-pilot feeling unhappy, apathetic and without purpose: It’s time to take a moment.  Ask yourself what would you rather be doing.  And then do it.  Now… I don’t mean quit your job and start being a full time finger-painter because ‘I love finger-painting’ and then go broke and get homeless etc… Just take it in small steps.  That time that you are throwing at people like its worthless, I say, hold on to some of it.  Keep it for yourself.  Just a few hours a week doing what you love to heal your heart and feed your soul.  It will make such a difference in your life and could spark an idea for a project, and that project could later fit into a business model, and in taking little steps you might see value in dedicating more time to that ‘Happy’ and turn it into something that makes you money, directly or indirectly.  Your ‘Happy could end up being your full time job — you could live on it! Wouldn’t that be amazing??

Well it’s not impossible.  Some of us are just enslaved by our ideas about the ‘rules of life’.  And we resign to the fact that our life is just about waking up and going to work for 40 hours to make someone else rich, just so we can pay bills and ask for permission to go on a holiday for 2 weeks, once a year.  Shit! that sounds all sorts of crazy to me.

The Alternative?  Put  your happiness at the top of your priority list.  Because happiness attracts all kinds of success. And happiness brings good health.  Happiness fixes relationships.  Happiness attracts customers. And happiness finds the right squad for you to hang out with.

But all change is difficult and scary for most, and it requires time and energy. So when dividing up that time and energy across your commitments, please reserve some of that energy for your ‘Happy’.  If you think that you are too busy, then basically you’ve decided to settle for your current situation.

And if you don’t know where to start, who you are, what you like and what you should be doing, maybe I can help you.

Watch this space for upcoming events, info and blogs or get in contact at thealternativetoday@gmail.com  if you want to chat.

Finally I want to ask everyone to be thankful for the energy and time that others give to you, as I am thankful for the time you took to read this blog.  Your time is not unlimited. Use it wisely!

RoxySIGNoff

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